Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Writer's Block

I have a hard time articulating my thoughts. Even writing them down, which is usually an outlet for me to express what is going on in my head, sometimes just does not suffice. And so, I find that I have very little to say at all today. There are things that are going on in my life, but I don't know if I find them particularly interesting enough to throw up to the whole wide world. But since I have not posted in a while, I'll attempt to give shape to the things and thoughts in my head.

I guess the biggest thing going on in my life is that I am looking to buy a house and enter into the realm of "homeowner". I have been thinking about this for a while, and have expedited that thought process over the past couple of months and have come to the conclusion that now is the time to buy, and I can actually afford to do so - which I didn't think would be the case. But it is, and that is really exciting. I do have to say that looking at the places that I can afford has been a little disheartening, because they all require work to be done to them. As I think about it though, it could be an exciting challenge because I can tailor this place to fit me.

My biggest prayer for this place though has been that it just not be for me, but that it be a "haven" for others. I love having people over and I want people to be able to come to this place and feel a sense of peace, beauty, and refuge. The fact that I can buy a home is such a gift, and I want to share that gift with others.

The other big thing going on in my life is a restoration of my relationship with God. I have done a lot of reading lately (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge, The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg) and I can just hear God speaking through the pages, appealing to my heart, and saying "See? This is what I want for you. Leave your worries, your temptations, your weaknesses behind. Walk with Me. Listen to Me." I also have been listening to John Elredge's podcast excerpts from his new book, Walking with God and those have been so satisfying and convicting to listen to. I have this feeling of being on a cusp, like I am not quite there yet, but I am getting "there" - to wherever it is that God wants me to be.

I guess I also have a lot of fear right now - fear for how time keeps slipping away (cannot believe that it is the seventh day of May already) and fear for all the things that are looming ahead, most particularly baseball. The baseball summer season always does a number on me - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Time goes into hyperactive speed and yet slows to a crawl all at the same time. People keep asking me, "you don't have to go to all the games, do you?" The answer is that I don't know - based on five years of prior history, the answer is probably yes. And yet, as much as I fear it, I absolutely love it. I don't have any good reason to love it as I do, but I just can't seem to walk away from it. Because somehow the love for summer baseball seeped way down into my pores and into my being. The crack of a wooden bat, long summer nights, lots of laughter, ammoral baseball boys, and a semi-command of the game and everything that goes into producing it, keeps me tied to this love-hate relationship.

The last major thing going on is the non-stop action with our new business venture, Signature WoodCrafters. If I'm not thinking about God, a new house, or life, I'm dwelling on WoodCrafters. I love being in the midst of this, and I love the potentials that this venture has. Things are absolutely crazy, but I would rather have crazy than bored any day. Check out the links on the side here for our webpage (which is a work in process) or blog (comments are welcome!) to see some of the new stuff that we have done! It is amazing what we have done in a few short months. And I can't wait to look back at this year and be amazed at all that I have learned and what we have accomplished together as a team with this new business.

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