Monday, October 29, 2007

Grab some popcorn...

...because my life is a movie. I don't know when this happened but after I learned today that the love of my life from a couple of years ago, just came back from his honeymoon, I realized that this would make a great movie - in fact, I think that I have seen this particular scene in one of the many movies that I have watched. Coupled with the fact that everyone - and I mean everyone - around me is pregnant or just had new babies - I can't escape! Craziness. Complete craziness.

Yesterday I got to go down to Charlottesville and had an amazing time. I had the opportunity to go to my favorite church on this planet, Incarnation. It is just the most amazing Catholic church. The pastor, Father Gregory, has inspired this community of people and they truly are an outreach church, loving each other and those in the Charlottesville community. I have felt so lost since moving back to Warrenton and going to the churches around here, so it was the best feeling in the world to enjoy church and love going to Mass. I felt like I was at home. I will always remember being in church and standing in the back next to this kid, dressed all in black - kind of gothlike - who clearly did not want to have any part of being there. When it came time to give the sign of peace to each other, Father Gregory walked all the way from the front of the church, came to this kid, extended his hand, and looked him straight in the eye, and said "Peace be with you." That is the kind of display of love that stays with you for a lifetime. It is one of the examples that will always inspire me to reach out to others.

I learned many other things yesterday, which I'll talk about through the rest of the week, but I am still all caught up in the fact that my life is a movie (and because it is really late and I need to go to bed). I just think it's too funny and ironic. If anyone has any good ideas for a title of my life as a movie, please send them on. :)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Swirling Thoughts

Do you ever have those days in which thoughts just circle around and around in your head and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to them? In those times I have to force myself to write them down, so that in the midst of the craziness that is going on in my head, I have some sort of outlet to express myself in. And so here are some thoughts that have been swirling recently:

1. Life a Small Town:
My life in my little small town is something that I both rage against and can't seem to leave. There are times when I feel desperately all alone, with no one around in the same situation. There are like three or four single people in my group of friends. Everyone else is in a relationship, married, or has kids - which is beautiful and wonderful. It's just not my lot in life. And when it feels like the walls are starting to cave in, with everyone moving away, the loneliness creeps in.


But, there is God. There is Jesus. And I know that part of my loneliness stems from the fact that I still look for other people, other things to fill the hole in my heart. And I know in my head that to do so is foolishness. There is nothing else that can fill me but the Lord and His love. And in neglecting that relationship, the loneliness will of course feel immense and desolate because I am not allowing the One that I was created for to live inside my heart. Still, knowing that does not lessen my wish to be around some people that were in similar stages in life.

2. Turn Ahead:
If only I could figure out what that turn is supposed to be. Is it a move? Is it a job or position change? Is it finally figuring out what I'm passionate about? Do I go back to school? I miss school a lot.

I am craving some sort of direction here. I thought that I was getting it last month, but now I am not so sure anymore. I just know that something needs to flippin' change.

3. Into the Wild:
I still am passionately in love with this movie and am going to go see it again sometime soon. There is just something there that I can't explain - it is one of those things that you need to experience for yourself, or else you just won't get it.

4. Pacey Returns to TV:
Thank the Lord - Pacey (Joshua Jackson) is going to be on Grey's Anatomy this season. It doesn't get any better.

5. Seasons Turning:
Though I love Fall, I am sad that is officially upon us. It makes me bittersweet. Nature is ablaze in all its dying glory, because the leaves that turn colors are essentially dying. There is a metaphor in there about our life and relationship with God, but I can't think of it right now. I will have to look up a journal entry in which I reflected on that metaphor for more thoughts. But I think the thing that gets me the most about Fall is the fact that it now turns dark so early. I hate early darkness. And it makes me sad because just a few months before, I was sitting out at a ballfield at 8pm, watching the sun set behind center field. I think I have seasonal affectiveness disorder.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

A Journey in Film

Last week I got to go see this movie with two of my dearest friends. We went to the Fairfax Cinema Arts Theatre, which is so charming. At the movie was one of my dearest and best teachers, Mr. Jacobs. So from the get-go, it was destined to be a good night.

Then the movie started and from beginning to end, it was absolutely beautiful and heart-wrenching - so much so that still a week and day later I am still thinking about it. The story of Christopher McClandless, or Alexander Supertramp, and his journey over a two-year span, culminating with his tragic and ironic end in Alaska, struck a chord within me.

There is a pain and yearning that Sean Penn and Emile Hirsch capture in this film. It is the pain and betrayal felt by a boy who has been scarred by his family life. There is a yearning for escape, to leave everything that they stood for, and try to discover himself and in the process, find happiness. Throughout his two year journey, Christopher/Alex encounters so many different people and touches many lives with his own. But his own end-goal is to go to Alaska. Alaska becomes his Quixotic windmill, except that he gets there. And he relishes his experience there, until the land starts to betray him - first with the impassable river that comes to life in the spring, and next with the lack of available food. Then his own intellect betrays him as he misreads his plant book and eats a poisonous plant that ultimately leads to his starvation. It is the ultimate irony, that in trying to escape from the pain of his family life, he learns in the end that happiness is shared - happiness comes from relationships, from the people that he met along the road, from being with his family. The place where he seeks escape gives him death instead - a kind of escape that he wasn't looking for.

There is so much more in this film though. For example, there is the whole sequence in which he meets Frank, an old man who lost his wife and son in a car accident while he was away fighting in a war, and since coming back to the States has not left his little town. And in part of that sequence, after Frank has climbed up a mountain after being told that he couldn't, he says to Christopher/Alex that it is only after we forgive that God's love can shine down and through us. Which is so true. I think I also was so touched by this sequence because it in a way reminded me of my Grandpa who I still miss and mourn for.

It has been a long time since I went to a movie and found myself still thinking about it a week later. The two other films that I saw last week (The Hat Trick, as I like to call it :)) don't hold a candle to this one. It is definitely a must see.