Wednesday, May 21, 2008

"DeAnna, Gentlemen...the Final Rose"

For those who know me, they know that I have a love for "reality" television, with some of my all-time favorites being The Amazing Race, Project Runway, ANTM marathons, and The Hills. But occasionally, I dabble in and out of Survivor and The Bachelor/Bachelorette series, as they can be so-so from season to season. In fact, I can't really call myself a diehard Bachelor fan like some of my friends, as I pop in and out of dedicating myself to watching a season, depending on the quality of the editing and lascivious of the "contestants" (Bachelor Bob anyone? ew).

But Holy Cow.

The new season premiere of latest Bachelorette caught me completely off guard and has happily sucked me into a brand-new season of awesome Rose ceremonies and Fantasy Dates. It has been a while since I have seen such a cast of awesome reality TV characters. The Bachelorette girl, DeAnna, is a hoot - apparently she's a Greek American with a Southern accent, who's really into her family, and wears dresses that need to be altered in order to hang correctly.

The guys are where it's at though - from the science nerd guy who got a "First Impression" Rose (which actually was something new to me, which shows how un-dedicated I can be to this show), to the sweet oyster farmer who gave her a single pearl necklace, to the guy who jumped in the pool and then stripped his wet clothes off to reveal a speedo with DeAnna's name on his butt, to Sean "Rex Kwan Do" who roundhouse-kicked a lemon off of the snowboarder guy's head, to the guy who got rejected and then promptly ripped his shirt off of himself and started howling at the moon! I am not making this up!! I have never seen such a cast of characters. And from the season-clip show promo at the end, the editors at the Bachelorette headquarters have successfully captured a viewer for the entire season. It looks amazingly awesome.

And so, I encourage all those out there who have not partaken yet in this wonder, to tune in on Monday nights to see this awesomeness. I'm hoping against hope that the wonders of the season premiere continue into the rest of the season!!

*Sadly the video that I posted has seemed to stop working - sorry to those that didn't get to see the brilliance of it - but stay tuned to the Bachelorette - each week is filled with amazing clips!*

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Light in the Darkness

It has been a while since I posted anything on here. I was going to post something last week, but ended up saving it as a draft, because it was so dark and full of despair that I knew that what I was writing couldn't really be the truth.

Truthfully, ever since last Saturday, I have been on a roller coaster. I thought that my hopes for a new home were dashed for good. Then I found out during a meeting last Tuesday that the financial position of my company is a lot tougher than I thought and the tough times that I thought were getting behind us, are actually still here. It seems like a never-ending cycle of questions about where to live and what to do about my career - that I have been here before, over and over and over again. And all these things together spun me into such a state of depression that I literally went home semi-early from work on Wednesday and just went to bed and stayed in bed till the next morning. I hibernated. And though I woke up still in despair, this little quote came to me as I was getting ready to go back to work:

"The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and
hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him
that in the end, the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light
and high beauty for ever beyond its reach." ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the

I guess I'm not that great of Christian that a Bible verse didn't come into my head, but still this was God speaking to me, saying that this is only a passing thing - this time isn't the end of the world. And though it took the rest of Thursday to bring myself out of my depressed and despairing state of mind, I got out of the darkness and hope started to return.

Life at work is still unbelievably tough and it is only going to get tougher with the summer baseball season gearing up in less than two weeks and life escalating into hyperdrive for the next two months. It is hard not knowing what is going to happen next, but I can hear God speaking to me, asking me to listen to Him, to let Him guide me in this time of adversity and to start to really believe again the love that He has for me. I can be a slow and stubborn learner, but thankfully I have an eternal Teacher who will keep on hammering me until my thick head and heart start to listen.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Writer's Block

I have a hard time articulating my thoughts. Even writing them down, which is usually an outlet for me to express what is going on in my head, sometimes just does not suffice. And so, I find that I have very little to say at all today. There are things that are going on in my life, but I don't know if I find them particularly interesting enough to throw up to the whole wide world. But since I have not posted in a while, I'll attempt to give shape to the things and thoughts in my head.

I guess the biggest thing going on in my life is that I am looking to buy a house and enter into the realm of "homeowner". I have been thinking about this for a while, and have expedited that thought process over the past couple of months and have come to the conclusion that now is the time to buy, and I can actually afford to do so - which I didn't think would be the case. But it is, and that is really exciting. I do have to say that looking at the places that I can afford has been a little disheartening, because they all require work to be done to them. As I think about it though, it could be an exciting challenge because I can tailor this place to fit me.

My biggest prayer for this place though has been that it just not be for me, but that it be a "haven" for others. I love having people over and I want people to be able to come to this place and feel a sense of peace, beauty, and refuge. The fact that I can buy a home is such a gift, and I want to share that gift with others.

The other big thing going on in my life is a restoration of my relationship with God. I have done a lot of reading lately (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge, The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg) and I can just hear God speaking through the pages, appealing to my heart, and saying "See? This is what I want for you. Leave your worries, your temptations, your weaknesses behind. Walk with Me. Listen to Me." I also have been listening to John Elredge's podcast excerpts from his new book, Walking with God and those have been so satisfying and convicting to listen to. I have this feeling of being on a cusp, like I am not quite there yet, but I am getting "there" - to wherever it is that God wants me to be.

I guess I also have a lot of fear right now - fear for how time keeps slipping away (cannot believe that it is the seventh day of May already) and fear for all the things that are looming ahead, most particularly baseball. The baseball summer season always does a number on me - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Time goes into hyperactive speed and yet slows to a crawl all at the same time. People keep asking me, "you don't have to go to all the games, do you?" The answer is that I don't know - based on five years of prior history, the answer is probably yes. And yet, as much as I fear it, I absolutely love it. I don't have any good reason to love it as I do, but I just can't seem to walk away from it. Because somehow the love for summer baseball seeped way down into my pores and into my being. The crack of a wooden bat, long summer nights, lots of laughter, ammoral baseball boys, and a semi-command of the game and everything that goes into producing it, keeps me tied to this love-hate relationship.

The last major thing going on is the non-stop action with our new business venture, Signature WoodCrafters. If I'm not thinking about God, a new house, or life, I'm dwelling on WoodCrafters. I love being in the midst of this, and I love the potentials that this venture has. Things are absolutely crazy, but I would rather have crazy than bored any day. Check out the links on the side here for our webpage (which is a work in process) or blog (comments are welcome!) to see some of the new stuff that we have done! It is amazing what we have done in a few short months. And I can't wait to look back at this year and be amazed at all that I have learned and what we have accomplished together as a team with this new business.