Truthfully, ever since last Saturday, I have been on a roller coaster. I thought that my hopes for a new home were dashed for good. Then I found out during a meeting last Tuesday that the financial position of my company is a lot tougher than I thought and the tough times that I thought were getting behind us, are actually still here. It seems like a never-ending cycle of questions about where to live and what to do about my career - that I have been here before, over and over and over again. And all these things together spun me into such a state of depression that I literally went home semi-early from work on Wednesday and just went to bed and stayed in bed till the next morning. I hibernated. And though I woke up still in despair, this little quote came to me as I was getting ready to go back to work:
"The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and
hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him
that in the end, the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light
and high beauty for ever beyond its reach." ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the
I guess I'm not that great of Christian that a Bible verse didn't come into my head, but still this was God speaking to me, saying that this is only a passing thing - this time isn't the end of the world. And though it took the rest of Thursday to bring myself out of my depressed and despairing state of mind, I got out of the darkness and hope started to return.
Life at work is still unbelievably tough and it is only going to get tougher with the summer baseball season gearing up in less than two weeks and life escalating into hyperdrive for the next two months. It is hard not knowing what is going to happen next, but I can hear God speaking to me, asking me to listen to Him, to let Him guide me in this time of adversity and to start to really believe again the love that He has for me. I can be a slow and stubborn learner, but thankfully I have an eternal Teacher who will keep on hammering me until my thick head and heart start to listen.