Monday, June 27, 2011

Dot, Dot, Dot - Oh wait, I mean Period. Wait, I mean Question Mark? Comma?

Thanks to the love of my life (aka, my new iPhone), I was able to take notes on tonight's episode.  Here are my quick thoughts...

1. Thanks to this season's Bachelorette, "Dot, dot, dot" is now part of the pop culture lexicon.  It's been said approximately 58985497394579384759784 times this season, it has been embedded in all of our brains.  And as of tonight, we can now add "...followed by a period" to our dot, dot, dots to signify closure.  (See, that sentence ended with a period - closure.  But what about parentheses? What do parentheses now signify?? Or semicolons? Or ampersands??  These are the thoughts I now I have to live with for the rest of this dot, dot, dot season)

2. Yes, Ashley, Lucas's "manlihood" was in full force tonight - there is a real, sweet guy there. Thanks for reminding us Lucas of what those are like.  Even if Ashley uses made-up words to describe your awesomeness.

3. Ashley telling the audience that she now had closure (a period, if you will) to Bentley, yet she still couldn't move on, made me almost throw my salad at the television screen.  Only the fact that I was really hungry and respected my carpet too much to dirty it, stopped me.  Really Ashley, really?  All you need to do to move on is to use a comma! Those generally will create movement in sentences, even if it creates a constant movement, otherwise known as a run-on, like this sentence.  If you are going to let your love life be ruled by grammar, please, for the love, add a comma to it, so we can get to the end of this season!

4. I loved Team Josh Groban on the group date.  They were hilarious - "Dude, we're getting smoked." "Yeah, like salmon". Hahahahahahahahahahaha

5. I, for one, loved the Chinese version of the Bachelor engagement that happened stage left on the screen (how else can you explain the inexplicable hordes of people that Team Josh Groban were somehow able to find at the last minute to row them in the dragon boat competition?). I have a feeling that this might be the only engagement we get to see this season, unless it is saved for the "After the Final Rose" taping.

6. Ben C. (the winemaker Josh Groban) is a total hipster wannabe as evidenced by his eschewed tie around his chambray shirt under his neon yellow v-neck sweater.  We should have caught on to this by the fact that he "harvests" his own wine, but this ensemble solidified it.

7. "Sorry, I just felt that," after Ryan kissed Ashley's hand in the middle of a sentence while talking to her, HAS to be one of the funniest lines I have EVER heard - I almost rolled off the couch laughing (which, LBH, happens quite often when watching this show).

8. I love JP.

9. I love that Constantine totally called Ashley a liar!

10.  Blake was about as secure as Ashley is with herself.  Which really means that had he stuck around, they would have engaged in an emotionally manipulative relationship with each other.  At least something healthy and helpful happened this season!

11. Yes Ames, we DO all want our fairytales to be simple, yet, as you also said, life is complicated, and that is what makes it ALL so beautiful. So wise my trust fund boy, so wise.

12. Adios Mickey Blue Eyes!

13. Oh, wait a second, Ashley - you mean the guys WEREN'T happy that Bentley came back!?! SHOCKER!!

14. I appreciate that Chris Harrison was able to refrain from shouting "I Told You So!" to Ashley, as she tried to digest why the guys were so upset that she told them about Bentley.

15.  Hey Ashley, freaking newsflash - relationships are all ABOUT communication, not mind-reading!!

And the most disturbing thought - I am really concerned that there hasn't been a helicopter date yet!!! What is up ABC??

I also must pass on this fashion tip - a see-through sequined dress is NEVER a good idea.  Just in case you were considering one. 

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Kind of Obsessed...

I totally have my friend Rebekah to blame for this new obsession - "The Glee Project".  I don't even watch the show, but the episode I got to see tonight had not only the song "Mad World" but also "Your Song". Consider me hooked, line, and sinker. 

(Thanks for getting me hooked on another reality show Bek :).)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

An Episode of Epic Proportions

Disclaimer - This entire post is dedicated to this past Monday's episode of the Bachelorette.  For those who don't watch, I am sorry.  For those who did watch, there are lots of other better recaps to read - check out and  But for the crowd of people who should have been in my living room with our eyes popping out of our heads, rolling off the couch laughing, covering-our-faces-with-pillows-because-i-can't-believe-my-eyes-or-ears-right-now, this is for you.

To reveal or not reveal - that is the question
I have been watching the Bachelor/ette franchise for a long time.  Every season they promise me an episode that is the MOST DRAMATIC EPISODE EVER and once in a while they actually deliver (For instance, Jason Mesnick's bait and switch comes to mind pretty quickly), but more often than not it is just the same ole' storyline rehashed in some creative way (and yet I still will always watch - always!).  So when Chris Harrison was blowin' up my twitterfeed with promises of "You are not going to believe tonight's episode" and like ilk, I was hesitant to believe him.  From the previews it just seemed like it was going to be relegated to one skeevy guy breaking the Bachelorette's heart, and I'm sorry, but I've already seen that done (umm, hello Wes, Justin "Rated-R", and skinny-jean-emo-hipster-wannabe-Frank).  Oh me, of little faith.

The Far East Movement, best known for the hit song "Like a G6"
First off the episode opens up with Ashley borrowing an oversized one-shoulder top from Ali's season and whisking kind of cute Ben C. off to a dance studio in her ABC-rented-from-Hertz's-luxury-line BMW sedan in which she can barely see over the top of the steering wheel.  And should we ever forget that, yes she may be studying to be a dentist, but her true passion will always be dance, we are treated to Ashley teaching poor Ben C. how to "pop a bottle" and sway this way and that.  I give Ben C. credit because he gamely plays along, popping a bottle and what-not, until they are all of the sudden in a park with hordes of people staring at them sitting on a blanket.  Ashley then makes poor Ben C. get up and dance to no music.  Ben C. asks "seriously??"  Seriously poor Ben C., seriously.  All of the sudden, as if out of the blue, America's new favorite past time, flash-mobbing is taking place!  So fun!  To the classic tune of "Like a G6" (By the way, were they referring to a Pontiac? That's the only G6 that I know of...)!  And ohmygosh, there is a band all of the sudden appearing out of nowhere called "The Far East Movement" (I think it may have something to do with their Asian heritage? Just a guess)!  So fun!!  And while the Far East Movement has everyone waving their hands in the air, Ashley and Ben C. just sway back and forth to the music, until their date progresses to dinner in which Ben C. shows his true-hopeless-romantic-unrealistic-expectations-for-a-real-relationship colors.  It's cute and Ashley, the most unconfident Bachelorette ever, gives him a rose for saying all the right things.

And then - then there was the BIG REVEAL of our masked man.  I hope the Emmy people were watching, because this my friends was an editing masterpiece.  First our man appears on the balcony overlooking the driveway that will soon be hosed down for the Bachelor Pad premiere.  A dramatic shift in mood is signaled by the soaring organ of doom.  While the organ is intoning in the background, our masked man, aka "Jeff", tells us that he is going to "reveal himself" to Ashley today (I apologize if any images of men in trench coats just wormed their way into your heads by use of that word choice.  Those were "Jeff's" words, not mine).  So "Jeff" pulls Ashley aside prior to everyone heading out on the group date.  A hawk nearby swoops through the scene and alights upon a post.  A squirrel scampering about the grounds pauses for a second (I'm really not making these details up).  And then this happens.

If only it had been this dramatic!  The mask reveal was so anticlimatic and revealed just a normal-looking guy, with nice blue eyes, who then dramatically said, "Hi, I'm Jeff", which revealed his dramatic-dork side.

With that now out of the way, we proceeded to go upon the "group date" which turned out to be a roast - another term for "what idiot thought it was a good idea to subject the least self-confident bachelorette in the history of the franchise to jokes about her to her face".  I'm not going to go into too much detail about this other than to say that William is a freaking idiot and I really couldn't believe all the flat-chest references the guys decided to make.

And then there is Bentley.  Bentley, who after he did not get the date rose on the group date, even though he suffered through half-attempting to comfort Ashley and putting up with her crying, decides to leave because he feels like he has duped everyone in the house and he just doesn't want to play the game anymore.  So he packs his bags, tells the camera that he is going to make Ashley cry, and that his hair looks good.  Sorry ***hole, it doesn't.  Truly, even if I hadn't known from the get-go that Bentley was there for the "wrong reasons" I would not have found him very attractive.  I just can't wrap my head around WHY Ashley was SO devastated by him leaving, other than the fact that it played into her worst fears about being on the show in the first place - that the guys didn't want to be with her.  But whatever.  I can't go any further into this - mainly because I need to stop writing and go to bed.

I just want to end this with the best line from Our Host Chris Harrison, who was amazing - "Was it the idea of Bentley that you loved? The fact that he was forbidden? Because if a guy wanted to be with you, he would have moved heaven and earth to be with you!"

Preach it Harrison. Preach it.

PS - I can't end this post without mentioning something about the barely covering her assets dress that Ashley was wearing with a 90s metal choker.  I mean, really wardrobe? Why in the world would you let her wear something like that?  But why am I asking rhetorical questions about the Bachelorette yet again? Will I never learn.  I don't know.  I guess that is as open-ended as "dot, dot, dot."

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Power of Your Vote

I had a college professor once say that you have no right to complain about your government officials if you do not exercise your right to vote.  And I have lived by that credence ever since I first heard it, because I for one like to voice my opinion disparagingly on things that I don't like.

For instance - take my freshman (first) year in college.  Skittles, my favorite candy, tried to reinvent the rainbow and change the green Skittle from lime to green apple.  Anyone who is a true fan of Skittles knows that by converting the flavor of the green Skittle from lime to green apple is truly messing with the entire chemistry of the Skittle bag - there is no real "Tasting the Rainbow" with a green apple in the mix.  So I took it upon myself to vote every day on the Skittles website for the Lime skittle.  And to this day, the Lime skittle remains in the Rainbow.

When Ruben Studdard won American Idol Season Two I had no right to complain because I had not exercised my right to vote for Clay Aiken.  Lesson learned.  And learned again with each season that I did not vote (Bo Bice, you were robbed - a capella in front of a live TV audience?!? gah, still kills me).

But of all reality voting shows that exist, America's Best Dance Crew is by far my favorite and far the show in which I have exercised my right to vote the most (no one vote per person here).  In Season Two I helped propel "Super Crew" to the winner's circle.  Season Three I voted more for my girls Beat Freaks than Quest Crew, but I was ok when Quest was named the winners.  And then the dark season four came along with the two worst dance crews to ever dance in a finale - AfrikaBorike and We Are Heroes - in which I declined my voting privileges in protest of the awful-ness of the dance crews in the finale.  In Season Five I came close to helping BluPrint crew win over the clowns Poreotix.  And in this seasson, Season Six I am hoping to stave off a travesty of travesties.  This has been an amazing season of dance crews, with the exception of the gimmicky Iconic Boyz - and they are in the Finale!!! These pre-pubescent Jersey kids have capitalized on the popularity of Jersey reality shows and the fact that they can dance better than most 10 year olds.  But there is NO way that they should be in the finale - NO way.  Cuteness does not equate skill.  So here is hoping that my non-stop voting for the crew I Am Me will prevail.  Because if they don't, I am warning you to be prepared for complaining of epic proportions and a boycott of any further ABDC seasons.

See what I mean?

Be sure to always exercise your right to vote - or else give up your right to complain about reality dancing competitions.