|To reveal or not reveal - that is the question|
|The Far East Movement, best known for the hit song "Like a G6"|
And then - then there was the BIG REVEAL of our masked man. I hope the Emmy people were watching, because this my friends was an editing masterpiece. First our man appears on the balcony overlooking the driveway that will soon be hosed down for the Bachelor Pad premiere. A dramatic shift in mood is signaled by the soaring organ of doom. While the organ is intoning in the background, our masked man, aka "Jeff", tells us that he is going to "reveal himself" to Ashley today (I apologize if any images of men in trench coats just wormed their way into your heads by use of that word choice. Those were "Jeff's" words, not mine). So "Jeff" pulls Ashley aside prior to everyone heading out on the group date. A hawk nearby swoops through the scene and alights upon a post. A squirrel scampering about the grounds pauses for a second (I'm really not making these details up). And then this happens.
If only it had been this dramatic! The mask reveal was so anticlimatic and revealed just a normal-looking guy, with nice blue eyes, who then dramatically said, "Hi, I'm Jeff", which revealed his dramatic-dork side.
With that now out of the way, we proceeded to go upon the "group date" which turned out to be a roast - another term for "what idiot thought it was a good idea to subject the least self-confident bachelorette in the history of the franchise to jokes about her to her face". I'm not going to go into too much detail about this other than to say that William is a freaking idiot and I really couldn't believe all the flat-chest references the guys decided to make.
And then there is Bentley. Bentley, who after he did not get the date rose on the group date, even though he suffered through half-attempting to comfort Ashley and putting up with her crying, decides to leave because he feels like he has duped everyone in the house and he just doesn't want to play the game anymore. So he packs his bags, tells the camera that he is going to make Ashley cry, and that his hair looks good. Sorry ***hole, it doesn't. Truly, even if I hadn't known from the get-go that Bentley was there for the "wrong reasons" I would not have found him very attractive. I just can't wrap my head around WHY Ashley was SO devastated by him leaving, other than the fact that it played into her worst fears about being on the show in the first place - that the guys didn't want to be with her. But whatever. I can't go any further into this - mainly because I need to stop writing and go to bed.
Preach it Harrison. Preach it.
PS - I can't end this post without mentioning something about the barely covering her assets dress that Ashley was wearing with a 90s metal choker. I mean, really wardrobe? Why in the world would you let her wear something like that? But why am I asking rhetorical questions about the Bachelorette yet again? Will I never learn. I don't know. I guess that is as open-ended as "dot, dot, dot."