Just a few thoughts for a Saturday

It constantly amazes me how fast time can fly. I can hardly believe that next week, we are at the end of January already - that is so crazy! How can so much time go by so fast? In some ways, this month has felt like eternity - a whole year in and of itself - but in other ways, it just can't be possible that *poof*, the first month of the new year is already over!

I think I can confidently say that I have never been through a month like this in my life. So much change has happened in this month and there has not been any time to process through it - or, the more accurate thing to say, is that I have not taken the time to process through the changes. And it is change in practically every area of my life - even literally down to the roots of my hair (which thankfully are gray no longer)!

This past Tuesday it became evident how much I have not internally processed everything that has changed, when at a career counseling session with a psychologist, I could not keep it together when she asked me the simple question, "So, what is going on in your life?" It was so awful crying in front of this complete stranger and I completely felt like the stereotypical psych patient on the couch who can't get a hold of their life. And though Dr. Bushkoff was completely nice and cool about and didn't care if I was crying or not, I still just couldn't believe how I couldn't seem to get one sentence out without choking on my words. It was very humbling and enlightening all at the same time, because I realized that I really haven't processed through my feelings.

Besides the crying though, the session was very worthwhile and I can't wait to go back. But it was kind of maddening also because Dr. Bushkoff told me that I am Generalist and I am happy being a Generalist and that I need to be a Generalist - my personality doesn't lend itself to being an expert in just one area - it has to have knowledge in all areas. This didn't surprise me, because I already knew that about myself, but it is frustrating at the same time because how do you have a focused career path when you can basically do anything? That sounds conceited to me, but it is the truth - I can learn to do anything, because that is probably the leading passion in my life - my love of learning. My problem is that I can get easily bored once I feel like I have learned enough about something, and so I desire to learn about everything, which has created this almost split personality. Another thing that Dr. Bushkoff said was that I was in best job that I could be in at Signature and that apparently my profile says that I don't want to make hard decisions, like a CEO or branch manager must do. I don't know if I completely agree with that though. She also suggested that a career path that I could consider, if I ever left Signature, was event planning. Apparently I am good at organizing things.

The thing that she said that completely surprised me though was that she thought I wasn't a procrastinator! I almost fell off the couch when she said that, because I have always thought that I was a terrible procrastinator. But what she said is that I need a "push" to do things, a "shove" in the direction that I am supposed to go in. Which is definitely true about myself - I do often need to be pushed to just do the things that I need to do, but I have always thought that is what all procrastinators need - maybe she and I need to relay our definitions of procrastination to each other. Maybe my procrastination all this time has just been either a lack of courage or sheer stubbornness.

All in all, it was very enlightening and I am really glad that I went and have been given the opportunity to go through this process. I am really interested to hear what she has to say next time, especially since I took an "interest" inventory test.

And as I am on the eve of this last week of the first month of the year, there is a mountain of work and other things ahead that I don't know how I'm going to tackle and get through, but here it goes nonetheless!