Thursday, January 3, 2008

Clipped Wings


Well, instead of posting goals today, I need to vent.

Yesterday, the second day of the new year was absolutely awful and if this is the way that this year is going to start off, I need someone to dig me a hole, so that I can just crawl in it and hibernate until springtime, when at least I have sunshine and beautiful nature all around me to cope with the things that happen in my life.

Not only have I apparently started losing brain cells at the tail end of my 25th year (evidenced by the fact that 1. I locked myself out of the house that I was housesitting last week and 2. I completely forgot my work computer (!) yesterday morning!!), but also everyone seems to be getting the hell out of Warrenton. My dear friend Katie Brazzle left for her grand CT adventure on New Year's Day, and now I find out that my two Young Life teammates, Zach and Aileen Weik, are going to be moving away in two months!! By the end of February, they will be gone!

It's like a literal knife straight to the heart.

Especially when we have had such amazing clubs this semester. Club has been such an encouragement for me, seeing all the new kids that have been coming. And it has been such a joy to be on a such a great, functional, in-sync team, relying on all our different strengths and weaknesses, to pull together and have great clubs. And now with Zach and Aileen leaving, I don't know what we're going to do. I know that God has a plan, and maybe this is His way of making me rely on Him more, especially since I have not been intentional with our relationship, but man oh man. I don't know how to deal with this.

I feel trapped, like a bird stuck in a cage, in her small town. It is my beautiful, wonderful, amazing small town, with beautiful, amazing, wonderful, awesome, supportive friends and community. And it's not like I was thinking of leaving anytime soon - But. But it all feels like a gilded cage. And now I feel like I can't even entertain the option of thinking of moving to another place because of the responsibilities to the ministry and to these kids that are all of the sudden now all mine. I have no idea how I am going to handle camp - I don't even want to go to camp! I absolutely abhor Young Life camp. And I don't know how the hell I'm going to be able to take two weeks off with baseball responsibilities this summer to go to Italy and to YL camp - one of which I'm dying to go and the other, I would rather die than go.

That may be a little dramatic, since I do err on the side of exaggeration, but it's also kind of the truth.

So, here's to 2008 so far - Year, the only thing you have going for you, in your first three days of being, is that there is now a Mr. and Mrs. Tommy Webster in the world. Other than that, you really stink.

5 comments:

Leah said...

I ache for you because we had just talked at the wedding that everything was settling down & really going well. 2008 is really sticking it to you. Maybe the Lord will bring three eligible bachelors to join your team who want to take kids to camp & also are looking for a hot goal oriented girl? I say 3 so that you can choose your man yourself. I'll start praying for that. Or that you'll just move to Williamsburg & become Judah's live in nanny.

Lauren said...

I like that plan! Either one - the three hot bachelors or being Judah's live-in nanny!

Seth said...

I don't know if it helps or not, but my second year of leading in college, the other guy team member quit in the middle of the year. I was really bummed and considered stopping at the end of the next semester, but I ended up having one of the best times leading as the only guy on the team.

I agree with you about camp though. I would do this: make relationships with kids your responsibility, let the rest (camp and club) go to Bob. That's why the donors pay him the "big" bucks. In the long run the relationships will serve the kids better.

Seth said...

I don't know if it helps or not, but my second year of leading in college, the other guy team member quit in the middle of the year. I was really bummed and considered stopping at the end of the next semester, but I ended up having one of the best times leading as the only guy on the team.

I agree with you about camp though. I would do this: make relationships with kids your responsibility, let the rest (camp and club) go to Bob. That's why the donors pay him the "big" bucks. In the long run the relationships will serve the kids better.

Lauren said...

That is a big help Seth and really good advice - thanks for the encouragement!!