Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Tale of the Unicorn

Today I share a tale of utter humiliation, embarassment, and eternal annoyance with myself. It is about an epic battle between myself and a particular blemish upon my face. Blemish is too nice a word. It was a big, puffy, zit. And it was right, smack in the frickin' middle of my forehead, settled nicely in between my two eyebrows. It was the Unicorn.

Now I watched Unicorn evolve from the outset. At first I was not too concerned about It, applying the acne spot treatment I had, hoping that would stunt it's growth. I also foolishly thought that since I hadn't had a big blemish in a while that my regular facial treatment of daily scrub and cleanser would work and prevent anymore from coming in - I had finally found the perfect treatment. No dice. Day by day the Unicorn continued to grow and grow. I was at a loss at what to do. The acne spot treatment was not working. More drastic methods had to be taken.

So I went to my next line of defense - applying isoproypl alcohol solution to dry out my enemy, per the suggestion of some of my coworkers and their success with this particular method. In case anyone didn't know, applying rubbing alcohol on a zit hurts like a mofo. But I was willing to bear the pain if it would make the Unicorn disappear.

Defying all odds, it still did not go away! Blasted Unicorn!! Each day I would look in the mirror and wonder how in the world I was going to cover up this virtual horn right in the middle of my face! ARGH.

Like trench warfare in World War I, I decided to go over the trenches and charge this Unicorn one last time with everything I had. Taking my coworkers advice again, I stuck a pin into the giant in order to be able to open it up and drain the blemish with rubbing alcohol again. Again, it hurt like a mofo! And then it started to bleed on me. For Pete's sake, will it never end, I wondered? SO not only was I having to apply rubbing alcohol to dry the thing out, I also had to now put the generic neosporin on the spot in order for it not to scar. And then later put the same acne spot treatment on it, in hopes to dry the area out even more. At the same time, other parts of my face started to revolt - perhaps as a response to the fall of their comrade. Luckily they did not pose as serious of a concern as the Unicorn and have retreated to the nether regions of wherever blemishes go.

Yet remnants of the Unicorn live on to this day. Each day is an exciting and wrenching dilemma of how to best cover up the part of my face right smack in the middle of my forehead - and since a unibrow is not an option, I praise God for the creation of skin-tone makeup.

And if you happen to see me anytime soon, I kindly ask that you please ignore the spot right in the middle of my forehead. The Unicorn does not need any other encouragement to wage battle again. I have won this skirmish, and am hoping that it also means that I have won the war - but the Unicorn is wily, and I will have to continue to keep diligent watch over it.

1 comment:

blogging??? who came up with this said...

Tags- I heart your blog way too much! As one who has suffered from the randomly perplexing and devastating "blemish of all blemishes"...I think of them as's so foul! But,I do love your blog on them! small dream come true! PS- look up Mario Badescu's drying lotion and/or Kate Sommerville's acne stuff...I've done both..and they may be the master's of the blemish universe.