4 More Days

The long wait is almost over.  While life has kept moving on and time marched onwards in its one way direction, at the same time, a missing element existed.  A gulf rent by a white screen that appeared in the final seconds of that fateful episode in May, has sat empty and barren, with only passing thoughts here and there to fill it.

But now, starting at 8pm (ok, really 9pm) this coming Tuesday, LOST returns to the small screen.

I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning, waiting with anticipation for Santa to come and run down the stairs to see the wonderment of gifts under the tree.  In an era characterized by instant gratification, this delay in finding out the answers (or probably in true Lost fashion, it'll probably be figuring out what the questions were that we should have been asking all along, without giving us answers) has been difficult to bear and only made possible by ignoring the endless questions that come from the mysteries that they have spun. 

I, for one, will be so happy once the mystery starts piecing itself together.  I am ready for the universe that the writers have kept expanding within each season (from the mystery of the Hatch, to the Hatch blowing up, to the Island being "found" and the introduction of flashforwards, to the Island "disappearing", to the White Screen of WHAT??!!) to be explained as well as it can be and for the mysteries to come to some sort of conclusion, whether I like it or not.  I sort of wish that the show was a book that I could race through to its end and find out how it all fits together!

4. More. Days.  Can't. Wait.

Book Review: Where is God When it Hurts?

Where Is God When It Hurts? by Philip Yancey

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I believe this book should be an absolute must-read for anyone who professes the Christian faith.

A sentence like that usually rings hollow to me, but honestly, there is nothing hollow about this book. I wish I could physically take the words from the pages and permanently implant them in my brain because there is so much truth to them.

The main point of the book is about suffering and pain and it attempts to address some of the common questions about the subject - why is there suffering, how do you deal with suffering people, what are the ramifications of suffering, how do we do even more damage to suffering people?

Yancey begins his book by explaining the benefits of physical pain by taking us on a journey through the lives of lepers who, because of their disease, no longer feel any pain - and the damage that occurs to them because they can't feel pain. From there the book delves into where is God in suffering, examples of suffering people, and then flourishes into an explanation of how God has suffered, the hope that we have in spite of our suffering, how we can use suffering to transform our lives, and why Christianity - of all the world religions - is particularly equipped to handle suffering.

Yancey limits his tome to just dealing with people in physical pain and suffering. He mentions mental anguish only in how it relates to the physical pain of people and how it causes them to question a loving God, and not as a subject in and of itself, but the lessons and advice that he draws from dealing with people in physical pain can certainly be brought to those that deal with emotional and mental pain and suffering.

What I loved most about this book is the reminder to Christians of the hope inherent in the resurrection that allows us to cope with suffering. That death is Not the end, and death doesn't need to be "accepted" - death is painful and hurts, but because of Jesus, it has been overcome, and because of Jesus we get to share in that victory. I also loved how Yancey reminds us that for a moment in time, God put on flesh in the person of Jesus and came to this earth, and suffered with us. Every time that Jesus encountered a suffering person, He not only healed them, but He also transformed them. And now we have the Holy Spirit, God within us, who hears our suffering groans and brings them to the feet of the Father and Son.

The other thing that I loved about this book is how it gives advice on how to help suffering people. You cannot go through life without encountering suffering people, and Christians, in particular, are called to be the body of Christ to these individuals. But how do we, imperfect people with even more imperfect words, help the suffering? It is a hard question that Yancey addresses with particular insight and I feel better equipped for it.

My only wish is that I had read this book a long time ago, for I've seen, lived with, and tried to walk through suffering with a lot of people. I just hope that going forward I will be able to overcome my own revulsion to pain and suffering and walk alongside those broken hearts and bodies, offering the real and true hope of Christ to those I have yet to encounter.

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Undone

All I can say at the outset of this post is that I hope I can capture the magnitude of all that is inside me right now - all that I am learning, and all that I have learned - about my Creator and how real He is to me these days. 

And part of me hesitates to go forth and proceed with this post.  It frankly feels awkward to write about my experiences with God.  Shouldn't I just write about, expound upon some of the awesome experiences I had last month?  Write about Red Bull BC One, or any of the other many wonderful things I got to experience?  Or crafting another tale about how there was a second mouse this past Monday?  Sure - I could do that.  But it would also be hollow and shirking one of the important aspects of this blog to me, which is to share a little that God is doing in my life.

Frankly, He has undone me.

Today in particular, I am feeling especially vulnerable to His love.  I don't know if it was the blue sky with white clouds, or the barren beauty of the trees in winter, or seeing these pictures of some friends of mine who have gone through a mighty struggle to bring their family together, or the post that accompanied the pictures, or reflecting on the true power and hope of the resurrection during my morning reading time, or processing through the meaning of suffering with the help of Philip Yancey in his wonderful tome, "Where is God When it Hurts?" during my lunch hour.

Perhaps the feelings of my heart are best summed up in this quote: "Every experience of beauty points to eternity." ~ Hans Urs Von Balthasar

How do I put into words the way my heart leaps when it sees a barren tree?  When that tree reminds me of the complicated beauty of life that lies underneath all the gloss and greenness of the leaves?  That the twisting beauty of each branch is like a thread that reminds me of my own complicated twists and turns.

How do I share the tears that spring forth when I read these following words from Philip Yancey's book on suffering and wonder if in my "Christian" sophistication I too have lost the power and hope of the resurrection and fail to share that with all those that I interact with?:

"On the day before Thanksgiving of 1983, Martha died. Her body, crumpled, misshapen, atrophied, was a pathetic imitation of its former beauty.  When it finally stopped functioning, Martha left it.  But today Martha lives, in a new body, in wholeness and triumph.  She lives because of the victory that Christ won and because of His 'body' at Reba Place, who made that victory known to her.  And if we do not believe that, and if our Christian hope, tempered by sophistication, does not allow us to offer that Truth to a dying, convulsing world then we are indeed, as the apostle Paul said, of all men most miserable."

How often I forget that Truth in my life.  That the hurts in my life, the wounds of my heart, will be healed and made anew.  And that this is the power of the resurrection - this life isn't the end.  Yes, we can begin living eternally here and now, but the wounds, the suffering, that we accumulate along the path are not the end.

This journey is filled with so many twists and turns.  In the span of one year I have gone from the lowest of lows to the highest of heights - and yet, my Father was there in all of it - even in His silences and distance.  And the thing is, unknowingly to me, Christ transformed my suffering.  He used it to reach a place of depth that I rarely visit on my own.  And because of that discovered depth, I feel the peace of His blessings to a greater degree than I ever have before.

How do I share with you, reader, the oppressive darkness and despair that covered my soul this past summer?  How do I explain the feelings of a broken heart from dashed, wrecked, ruined hope?  Praying desperate prayers, clinging to a thread of faith, though every logical fiber in my being said "what's the point?" and "is this even real?" How this was the second time in my life in which I have had a real crisis of faith?

And then how do I explain praying daily for my Lord to strengthen my hope just a few months later and rejoicing beyond words in the life that I have been blessed with?

I am so thankful.  Thankful for all that the Holy Spirit has revealed to my heart lately.  Thankful that in every experience of beauty that I have been blessed to go through, He has spoken to that hurt heart and given it healing, revealing a little of Himself in each instance.  Thankful that He was (and is) in every smile from a friend.  Thankful for a wonderful family that is as constant in their presence as He is.  Thankful that He is teaching me about real forgiveness, humility, suffering, and most of all love in all of these things - A true love that knows me - that sustained me through the dark.

So, here, at the end of this post, I hope that I have been able to communicate some of the true majesty and true mystery of my Lord.  He has undone me this year - in more ways than I will ever be able to explain here - and I will keep praising His Name, thanking Him for doing so.

Only 2 Posts...

*Sigh*

I wish I could say that I foresee more time for blogging in the future, but next month is going to be a whirlwind of chaos with seemingly everything happening all at once.  But I am sad that I have only gotten to this forum twice in the entire month.  So much has been happening within my life and my thoughts and heart and I wish I had some time to chronicle it, but oh well.  It is what it is.  Now is not the season for blogging.

But, just to run through a few of the things on my mind lately....

1 - THE YANKEES ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!  And all is right with the world.  I can hardly watch the games from fear that I will have a heart attack/jinx my team from winning.  Every single pitch is a tense moment - on both sides!  And this is probably the best baseball that I have watched in a long, long, long time.  Good pitching will always prevail over amazing hitting.  And blown umpire calls are a part of the game - always have been, always will be - as long as both sides get blown calls evenly!

2 - Afghanistan and Pakistan - Every single day this situation gets worse and worse.  My heart breaks for the people living there, caught in the middle of this conflict.  And there are no easy answers on how to deal with either nation.  Half of Pakistan and Afghanistan want to be ruled by the Taliban again.  But the fact that the State Department and the White House would consider this an acceptable resolution (letting the Taliban become the governing body) is sickening from a human rights standpoint.  Not that what is currently happening is not sickening as well though.  There are no easy answers here and historically speaking, there is no way to win a guerrilla war when the population in general wants you gone.

3 - I am so excited for this coming November!  I am going to get to experience so many amazing things from concerts with classical music masters, alternative rock concerts, the premiere b-boy hip-hop dance event of the year, and a few plays here and there.  The creative part of my brain doesn't even know how to process all of these coming awesome events!

4 - The leaves are gorgeous right now, though there are a lot of trees that are now bare!! It makes me sad that the dark winter months of bare trees and cold are ahead - though there can be beauty found within them as well - but you have to look really hard for it.  For now, I will revel in the ending of fall as these particular last days are a showcase of God's creation in all of its glory.  Hopefully, as I age and grow closer to death my life will be a reflection of the beauty of God's creation in all of its glory as well.

5 - A family reunited is a beautiful thing.  My sister is home from Australia for the next few months and I wish I could put into words the completeness there is in having her home.  There really aren't words.

There is more, much more that is also going on, including the restoration of my heart and soul after a particularly hard summer.  I hope that at some point I get to process and digest in further detail, but I can say that I know - truly, deeply know - that God loves me.  His love is more profound than I can even describe and I am so grateful that He has blessed the eyes of my heart to see that realization.

Again, there really aren't words.

Lord of Miracles

God is into miracles. Little ones. Big ones. Ones that require only a little bit of faith. Ones that require a mountain range plus Mt. Everest of faith. Ones in which it requires a little prayer. Ones in which a whole community rises up and surrounds a person or event with prayer. There are not many things that I am sure of, but of this I am - God is into miracles.

Two of my friends from college have been on an incredibly arduous journey of faith in trying to adopt two Ethiopian children. They have been on this journey for about two years. Two years of heartache, yearning, pain, obstacles, and now, insurmountable joy. For finally, FINALLY, the last leg of the journey is over and they are now currently on their way, journeying toward their children, ready to bring them home and start the family that God has created. He has been so unbelievably faithful to them, it brings tears to my eyes. And their faithfulness to Him is an epic tale of two people refusing to give up hope and to cry out to Him in the obstacles, in the pain. I invite you to take a look at some of their previous posts on their blog, Every Bitter Thing is Sweet. I have been praying for them and this journey for months now and to see how the insurmountable obstacles just melted away these past few weeks is beyond any description that I can give.

Some of my other dear friends just celebrated the one-year birthday of their daughter - a daughter who was born with serious heart defects and has, in her one year of life, already had multiple heart surgeries. Yet this sweet, beautiful little girl is the picture of health, love, and joy and again, the testament to how a community surrounded an impossible situation with prayers and how our Mighty Lord answered and gave us her life as a living reminder of His miracles.

Then there are the little miracles that the Lord of Lazy Susans, and now apparently Leather Couches, creates, reminding me of His sense of humor and how He can be involved in the little details of our life.

I need one more miracle though and I must ask you, whoever reads this, to pray with me for a friend of mine. She recently lost her mother and is so, so lost spiritually, mentally, and physically. I worry and fear for her, but I also know that I can have hope for her because of who God is and how He can work miracles. But this is a miracle that needs community, and so I am asking you to please keep my friend in your prayers. Pray for healing, for peace of mind, for strength to continue living through her pain, and that her physical needs would be met (she is in search of a job, home, insurance, etc.). And please pray for those of us walking with her through this, that we would have wisdom in what to say and what not to say, how to listen, and yet how to speak Truth into her life. My sincerest, heartfelt thanks to you. And Thank You Lord of Miracles.

**PS, Note on the Picture - I actually took this photograph one day as I was driving my country roads around lovely Fauquier county. Isn't it beautiful! It reminds me of God :).**

A Couple of Thoughts for a Wednesday

1 - Barack Obama's inauguration speech was awesome - I loved it. Whether or not I agree with his rhetoric, policies, or political cabinet picks, I have to say it is refreshing to have a person of eloquence leading the country. Never underestimate the power of words. Tony Blair is one of my all-time favorite political leaders for this reason. He had the ability to speak eloquently and think fast (watch the Prime Minister's questions on CSPAN - it's awesome!) and his speech in the immediate aftermath of Sept. 11th was the one that I think people should have paid more attention to. Barack's speech addressed a lot of the nation's fears and had a lot of truth within it and I am so lucky to have witnessed one of the most historic moments in our country's history.

2 - So beyond excited about the premiere of Lost tonight - you don't even know. I have been looking forward to this day since the last episode of last season aired last May and it is finally, FINALLY here!

3 - I am loved by a beyond gracious God, a beyond wonderful family, and an amazing group of friends. So no matter what happens in the next few months, I have remembered that my life here is not about my financial security or independence, but about walking by faith and trusting in a God who I feel I am just getting to know.

4 - Never underestimate the importance of your living environment on your mental and physical health.

5 - I love living on my own in my new apartment! I am so blessed and grateful for this gift and so excited to share it with others! So if you are ever driving by Winchester Street, please stop in and say hello!

Exquisite Simplicity

Is there anything more beautiful or soul-satisfying than the beginning of spring or fall? Here in Virginia, both seasons usher in the long months of winter or summer. But for a few brief weeks the weather and everything in nature converge together to bring forth some of the most exquisite beauty that can be found or experienced.

This past weekend saw nature shine forth in all its glorious simplicity and gift us with glorious weather. You couldn't sit inside. And in being outside, with the sun shining forth its rays, the breeze whisping through your hair, and the glory of a bright blue sky bursting at the seams, renewed hope entered my heart. I can't say what the hope is for - maybe it is the knowledge that all the beauty and glory of nature is just an echo of what awaits all of us in heaven, with Jesus. C.S. Lewis spoke of heaven in The Great Divorce, describing it as just that - something that was brighter, sharper than what we see here on earth.

There were just a ton of ways that God spoke to me this weekend - through Father DeMartino's sermon on the Prodigal Son to the verses we looked at in YL leadership, especially John 1:5

"The light shines in the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it"

(NLT). This shouts out hope to me, the hope that both is a product of and fuel for faith - Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

And hope and faith are what I need now - now at the "turning of the tides"...