On the road to being a "Meaningful Specific"

Well, now it's time for a more upbeat post, one that has to do with goals.

I still don't have these all figured out, but this is what I'm going to pursue for at least the first half of '08:

1. Buy a new car. I may actually get this one done by this weekend, unbelievably. This is something that I've been thinking about and researching for a while, and I've put the wheels in motion to make it happen, so that's a good start! I've just had it with my car and though my baby has been very, very good to me, it's time for a new one. It's kind of sad to think that my Corolla will be gone, but the vanishing of the fear that my car is going to blow up driving down the road will be most welcome!

2. Start a small group with my YL girls. I think that I've lost sight of what my ministry is supposed to look like. It's not just about the events that we put on on a Monday night. It's supposed to be much deeper than that. It is so easy for me to use busy-ness at work and the craziness of kids' schedule as an excuse to not do anything. So I want to be very intentional and get this started this year.

3. Read More. I am a TV-holic. It is so easy at the end of the day to go home and numb the brain with whatever is on the tube. But there are SO many books out there that I want to read (which if you are a friend of mine on GoodReads, you know this well!).

4. Establish discipline in my life. This is a lofty goal, because it kind of covers at least three subsets:

a. Reading my Bible daily with a daily QT - the most I ever learned in my walk with Jesus was my 4th year in college, when I practiced this. I don't think the correlation between the two is a coincidence. I've waffled in this since moving back to Warrenton, so it's time to really try and stick with it.

b. Exercising - Ugh. It's not that I don't like to exercise, because when I do it, I'm glad that I did it. It's just the fact that in the war that goes on in my head between laziness and exercising, laziness usually wins. I guess I just need to aim for baby steps with this one.

c. Disciplined thinking - My brain goes a million miles a minute, from one thing to another to another. My head often feels like a cluttered mess, with all these "things" crowding and swimming around and it often leads me to do nothing because I'm just jumping from one thing to another. This is particularly bad at work and makes me very unproductive, because when I can't focus on what I need to do, I just end up suffering the internet and reading most every news story out there. So I need to become better at just thinking - organized thinking. Lists, etc.

5. Figure out how to go to Italy and Young Life camp and handle my baseball responsibilities. There's just gotta be a way to do it all.

6. GOLF!! This is one hobby that I really want to get better at. There are at least three golf tournaments that I will participate in this year, and I would like to have fun and hit that ball a long distance, straight and true. So, taking a lesson will definitely be on the docket, as well as using the passes to VA Oaks that my boss gave me as a Christmas present! I'm going to start by practicing how to yell "Fore!"

7. Work - I just need to figure out how to reconcile the two different aspects of my job: Baseball and Signature. I love both and I can handle both, but there might be an opportunity staring me in the face with baseball that I could seize if I want to - being the Northern Virginia Youth Baseball Czarina kind of sounds impressive, but might give me more grey hairs than I can handle! In the end, I just want to be able to be productive at work and start feeling like I'm accomplishing something, which I think will happen once I start down the path of disciplined thinking.

I think that is it for now...those are good goals for the first half of the year, don't you think? (Now to print these out and post them on my bulletin board so that I remember to do them!)

Clipped Wings

Well, instead of posting goals today, I need to vent.

Yesterday, the second day of the new year was absolutely awful and if this is the way that this year is going to start off, I need someone to dig me a hole, so that I can just crawl in it and hibernate until springtime, when at least I have sunshine and beautiful nature all around me to cope with the things that happen in my life.

Not only have I apparently started losing brain cells at the tail end of my 25th year (evidenced by the fact that 1. I locked myself out of the house that I was housesitting last week and 2. I completely forgot my work computer (!) yesterday morning!!), but also everyone seems to be getting the hell out of Warrenton. My dear friend Katie Brazzle left for her grand CT adventure on New Year's Day, and now I find out that my two Young Life teammates, Zach and Aileen Weik, are going to be moving away in two months!! By the end of February, they will be gone!

It's like a literal knife straight to the heart.

Especially when we have had such amazing clubs this semester. Club has been such an encouragement for me, seeing all the new kids that have been coming. And it has been such a joy to be on a such a great, functional, in-sync team, relying on all our different strengths and weaknesses, to pull together and have great clubs. And now with Zach and Aileen leaving, I don't know what we're going to do. I know that God has a plan, and maybe this is His way of making me rely on Him more, especially since I have not been intentional with our relationship, but man oh man. I don't know how to deal with this.

I feel trapped, like a bird stuck in a cage, in her small town. It is my beautiful, wonderful, amazing small town, with beautiful, amazing, wonderful, awesome, supportive friends and community. And it's not like I was thinking of leaving anytime soon - But. But it all feels like a gilded cage. And now I feel like I can't even entertain the option of thinking of moving to another place because of the responsibilities to the ministry and to these kids that are all of the sudden now all mine. I have no idea how I am going to handle camp - I don't even want to go to camp! I absolutely abhor Young Life camp. And I don't know how the hell I'm going to be able to take two weeks off with baseball responsibilities this summer to go to Italy and to YL camp - one of which I'm dying to go and the other, I would rather die than go.

That may be a little dramatic, since I do err on the side of exaggeration, but it's also kind of the truth.

So, here's to 2008 so far - Year, the only thing you have going for you, in your first three days of being, is that there is now a Mr. and Mrs. Tommy Webster in the world. Other than that, you really stink.

The Eve Before the Eve of the New Year

I didn't realize until I looked at my blog how long it has been since I last wrote a post. I guess there has been a lot going on both at work and at home that this just hasn't crossed my mind that often I guess.

But these past few days I have had the pleasure of participating in some of my best friends' wedding, Katie Carson and Tommy Webster. Kat and Tommy are some of my dearest, dearest friends. I have learned so much about life and love from the both of them and through watching their love story unfold these past two years. Truly, one of the things that I can say about myself is that I love to learn, and these two have taught me incalculable lessons on how to value and love people. Their love for the Lord, their creativity, and again their love for community has changed my life. It has been such a joy to be a part of helping them get ready for their wedding day! I cannot wait for tomorrow when they are finally man and wife!!

As I get ready on this eve of the eve of the new year, and start mentally preparing myself for 2008, there are many things to reflect on. Mostly things having to do with what I want to accomplish next year. I don't like to make goals for myself. Goals actually mean something. And goals don't leave much room for spontaneity or the bends in the journey. Or for a procrastinator like myself, goals end up becoming guidelines and thus lose their intended power.

But I think that now I have a different view. I heard this quote once from Zig Ziglar: "Are you a wandering generality or a meaningful specific?" I have lived my life as a wandering generality, just taking life as it comes and not having an ending in sight that I want to accomplish. But I would like to start in 2008 to live my life as a meaningful specific, because I think I have realized that you can live life with goals but also leave room enough for life to run its course. So as 2007 comes to a close, I am going to think hard on what I want 2008 to look like and come up with some goals - goals that I am going to take seriously. And on New Year's I'll post some of those goals on here!

That is, after I have recovered from Kat and Tommy's wedding! :)

Heavy Heart...

Today is a black day for Major League Baseball. The Mitchell Report, a 400+ page document, came out detailing the use of steroids and named the names of allegedly 80 players that George Mitchell was able to confirm used steroids.

The fact that there are MLB players that have used steroids is not a surprise. Anybody who looks at Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, or Jason Giambi three years ago, cannot have a hint of doubt.

What hurts me as a fan though is learning that some of the best pitchers in the game, Roger Clemens and Andy Petitte, were also users.

*Sigh*

Pitchers have a special place in my heart. To me, a well-pitched game is the most exciting thing in all of baseball. Forget the homerun. Homeruns are overrated. But a guy who can pitch a full nine innings is a hero - bar none. A guy who can load the bases but then battle all the way back to strike the next three hitters out is a hero. Pitching makes or breaks the game (caveat - you do need to have good hitters - but if you have great pitching, you don't need great hitters - just good hitters). There is nothing more exciting than a pitcher's duel. That is why, though Josh Beckett is now a hated Red Sox, I still love him - he is one of the most awesome pitchers in the game right now.

That is why this hits me so hard. Being a diehard Yankees fan, I have to live with the hatred of everyone for their dominance in baseball. Now I learn that players on my beloved team, and pitchers nonetheless, cheated!! I mean even Chuck Knoblauch was named!! Knoblauch! The disappointment and hurt runs deep.

I just hope that in the end, all the youth and college ballplayers that I come in touch with, will take this whole scandal as a warning and not try to cheat the game. I have seen quite a few of the college guys come through who were so big, that it just isn't natural. I hope that they realize that the path they are walking on is a perilous one before it is too late.

That hope is what makes the disappointment and hurt less painful.

That Perfect, Elusive, Shot...

This past weekend I went to the driving range and tried to hit a bucket of balls semi-successfully. I think that for the amount of experience I have (very, very little and no lessons), I can hit a golf ball pretty well. There is a lot I need to learn, but I haven't devoted the time needed to get my swing right or to seek out help from those who know more than I do. But nevertheless, there were shots that went straight and true and far and sounded so pretty, that I fall in love with the game all over again. And then the very next shot I either hook, slice, or top the ball and I wonder why in the world am I deluding myself?

I guess the beauty that is found in the world of golf is the ability it has to build character. You have to have humility; you have to be able to laugh at yourself; you have to be able to ride the emotional rollercoaster that each shot brings; you have to be able to ignore those around you, the people that may be watching you, and just focus on you and the ball - otherwise, you psych yourself out! And in the course of the journey of eighteen holes or a bucket of balls, you can hit each and every single one of those emotions. And then there are those shots that will live with you forever, and those are the shots that will always keep you swinging that club.