Writer's Block

I have a hard time articulating my thoughts. Even writing them down, which is usually an outlet for me to express what is going on in my head, sometimes just does not suffice. And so, I find that I have very little to say at all today. There are things that are going on in my life, but I don't know if I find them particularly interesting enough to throw up to the whole wide world. But since I have not posted in a while, I'll attempt to give shape to the things and thoughts in my head.

I guess the biggest thing going on in my life is that I am looking to buy a house and enter into the realm of "homeowner". I have been thinking about this for a while, and have expedited that thought process over the past couple of months and have come to the conclusion that now is the time to buy, and I can actually afford to do so - which I didn't think would be the case. But it is, and that is really exciting. I do have to say that looking at the places that I can afford has been a little disheartening, because they all require work to be done to them. As I think about it though, it could be an exciting challenge because I can tailor this place to fit me.

My biggest prayer for this place though has been that it just not be for me, but that it be a "haven" for others. I love having people over and I want people to be able to come to this place and feel a sense of peace, beauty, and refuge. The fact that I can buy a home is such a gift, and I want to share that gift with others.

The other big thing going on in my life is a restoration of my relationship with God. I have done a lot of reading lately (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge, The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg) and I can just hear God speaking through the pages, appealing to my heart, and saying "See? This is what I want for you. Leave your worries, your temptations, your weaknesses behind. Walk with Me. Listen to Me." I also have been listening to John Elredge's podcast excerpts from his new book, Walking with God and those have been so satisfying and convicting to listen to. I have this feeling of being on a cusp, like I am not quite there yet, but I am getting "there" - to wherever it is that God wants me to be.

I guess I also have a lot of fear right now - fear for how time keeps slipping away (cannot believe that it is the seventh day of May already) and fear for all the things that are looming ahead, most particularly baseball. The baseball summer season always does a number on me - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Time goes into hyperactive speed and yet slows to a crawl all at the same time. People keep asking me, "you don't have to go to all the games, do you?" The answer is that I don't know - based on five years of prior history, the answer is probably yes. And yet, as much as I fear it, I absolutely love it. I don't have any good reason to love it as I do, but I just can't seem to walk away from it. Because somehow the love for summer baseball seeped way down into my pores and into my being. The crack of a wooden bat, long summer nights, lots of laughter, ammoral baseball boys, and a semi-command of the game and everything that goes into producing it, keeps me tied to this love-hate relationship.

The last major thing going on is the non-stop action with our new business venture, Signature WoodCrafters. If I'm not thinking about God, a new house, or life, I'm dwelling on WoodCrafters. I love being in the midst of this, and I love the potentials that this venture has. Things are absolutely crazy, but I would rather have crazy than bored any day. Check out the links on the side here for our webpage (which is a work in process) or blog (comments are welcome!) to see some of the new stuff that we have done! It is amazing what we have done in a few short months. And I can't wait to look back at this year and be amazed at all that I have learned and what we have accomplished together as a team with this new business.

On the road to being a "Meaningful Specific"

Well, now it's time for a more upbeat post, one that has to do with goals.

I still don't have these all figured out, but this is what I'm going to pursue for at least the first half of '08:

1. Buy a new car. I may actually get this one done by this weekend, unbelievably. This is something that I've been thinking about and researching for a while, and I've put the wheels in motion to make it happen, so that's a good start! I've just had it with my car and though my baby has been very, very good to me, it's time for a new one. It's kind of sad to think that my Corolla will be gone, but the vanishing of the fear that my car is going to blow up driving down the road will be most welcome!

2. Start a small group with my YL girls. I think that I've lost sight of what my ministry is supposed to look like. It's not just about the events that we put on on a Monday night. It's supposed to be much deeper than that. It is so easy for me to use busy-ness at work and the craziness of kids' schedule as an excuse to not do anything. So I want to be very intentional and get this started this year.

3. Read More. I am a TV-holic. It is so easy at the end of the day to go home and numb the brain with whatever is on the tube. But there are SO many books out there that I want to read (which if you are a friend of mine on GoodReads, you know this well!).

4. Establish discipline in my life. This is a lofty goal, because it kind of covers at least three subsets:

a. Reading my Bible daily with a daily QT - the most I ever learned in my walk with Jesus was my 4th year in college, when I practiced this. I don't think the correlation between the two is a coincidence. I've waffled in this since moving back to Warrenton, so it's time to really try and stick with it.

b. Exercising - Ugh. It's not that I don't like to exercise, because when I do it, I'm glad that I did it. It's just the fact that in the war that goes on in my head between laziness and exercising, laziness usually wins. I guess I just need to aim for baby steps with this one.

c. Disciplined thinking - My brain goes a million miles a minute, from one thing to another to another. My head often feels like a cluttered mess, with all these "things" crowding and swimming around and it often leads me to do nothing because I'm just jumping from one thing to another. This is particularly bad at work and makes me very unproductive, because when I can't focus on what I need to do, I just end up suffering the internet and reading most every news story out there. So I need to become better at just thinking - organized thinking. Lists, etc.

5. Figure out how to go to Italy and Young Life camp and handle my baseball responsibilities. There's just gotta be a way to do it all.

6. GOLF!! This is one hobby that I really want to get better at. There are at least three golf tournaments that I will participate in this year, and I would like to have fun and hit that ball a long distance, straight and true. So, taking a lesson will definitely be on the docket, as well as using the passes to VA Oaks that my boss gave me as a Christmas present! I'm going to start by practicing how to yell "Fore!"

7. Work - I just need to figure out how to reconcile the two different aspects of my job: Baseball and Signature. I love both and I can handle both, but there might be an opportunity staring me in the face with baseball that I could seize if I want to - being the Northern Virginia Youth Baseball Czarina kind of sounds impressive, but might give me more grey hairs than I can handle! In the end, I just want to be able to be productive at work and start feeling like I'm accomplishing something, which I think will happen once I start down the path of disciplined thinking.

I think that is it for now...those are good goals for the first half of the year, don't you think? (Now to print these out and post them on my bulletin board so that I remember to do them!)