Book Review: Committed

Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert

My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Elizabeth Gilbert's follow up from her beloved "Eat, Pray, Love" is a great romp through the institution of marriage. A mixture of opinion, facts, interviews, observations, historical interpretation, and memoir, "Committed" is probably not what most people expect from the woman who penned EPL. Weaving together both a personal narrative of her and her fiance's travels and ordeals with the US Immigration Service and reflections on what it means to be married, Gilbert offers an interesting look at the biggest commitment that two people can make to one another.

I enjoyed this book. I thought it was funny at times, poignant at others, and all around interesting. It has been some time since I last read "Eat, Pray, Love", so I didn't find myself disappointed with the tone, or subject matter, or the style of how the book was written - all that meaning to say, I wasn't trying to compare this book to EPL. And I'm glad that I didn't, because I think this book should be appreciated on its own feet. If EPL didn't exist, I think this book would be received as the interesting read it in fact is. It gave me lots to think about and reflect upon, and it was really interesting to read in light of all the other material that I have recently been reading about women, marriage, careers, and life.

I don't agree with everything that Gilbert says or presents as fact in the book - and I'm sorry, the history nerd in me would like a works cited page and footnotes for all the research and works cited throughout the book. The Acknowledgments section just didn't cut it for me. But then again, I am a big nerd.

But I do believe that anyone that is contemplating marriage or thinks about being married or would like to be married or is married, should take an afternoon or two and read this book. The last chapter was probably my favorite, since it was really in that chapter that I heard Gilbert's "voice" really come alive again, the way that it was in Eat, Pray, Love. All in all, a great read.

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Book Review: If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You

If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You by Kelly Cutrone

My rating: 3 of 5 stars
I didn't intend to read this book over the weekend, but happened to pick it up and just couldn't put it down, and so over the course of a few hours on a Saturday afternoon, I found myself at the end of it, a little bit wiser and entertained.

Basically the book is a little bit autobiographical, giving details of Kelly Cutrone's life and how she got into the PR/publicity business. Along the way she includes details of what really makes a life worth living. I would categorize it as a hybrid business/life advice book. Some of her life advice I took with a heavy grain of salt - being of a different belief system and worldview, I'm not really into "making up your own religion." But I do (obviously) believe that we are here on this earth to live for a higher purpose than sex, drugs, rock & roll, fame, and money. Those things and the pursuit of them are very costly and in the end don't bring the things they promise. These words of wisdom have a little bit more truth to them coming from someone like Kelly Cutrone, who's life is based in that world, than it would from me, a small-town country girl with city leanings.

What I really appreciated from the book was learning more about Kelly's background and how she rose to be where she is now - owner and CEO of People's Revolution, a premiere fashion publicity firm. I loved her when she appeared on "The Hills", a breath of fresh air with her no-bs approach to working, even with cameras rolling in her face. I really enjoyed her own foray into reality television with her show "Kell on Earth", as it showcased what a formidable businesswoman she really is. In her book, she downplays some of the wisdom and knowledge that she has gained over the years, but the proof is in the pudding - she owns and runs one of the most successful fashion PR companies in the world, People's Revolution. Her business advice is what I appreciated the most - from lessons on how to "fake it to make it", the importance of a personal brand, and how to communicate via phone versus email - something that is a lost art (I'm the first to admit my fear of the phone).

Written succinctly and in a very easy to read manner, I would recommend it for a good beach read. However, for those with more conservative tastes, be forewarned - Kelly is not your typical, demure, "refined" woman - she is a B.I.T.C.H. "Babe In Total Control of Herself".

(*Also, as a side note, it was very interesting to read this book right after reading "Flux:Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids, and Life in a Half-Changed World". Kelly would have made an interesting case study in that book, and some of the things she discusses about being a powerful career woman (both the difficulties and advantages of) coincided with the themes and discussions in that book.)

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Book Review: Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids, and Life in a Half-Changed World

Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids, and Life in a Half-Changed World by Peggy Orenstein


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Four days later and I'm still ruminating over some of the lessons that I learned from this book. I think that's telling about its quality. The author, Peggy Orenstein interviews many women in their twenties, thirties, and forties to discover how women handle careers, families, and that ever elusive "balance" between the two. Orenstein wanted to know what decisions these women had made (or were in the process of making) and why they had made them. While she does talk a little about sex, it's really not that central to the core of the ideas in the book - I think the title just includes it as the first word to sensationalize and capture the random browser's interest (it's all about marketing).

I appreciated Orenstein's case study approach to these larger issues, narrowing each age group into three examples of women, and then interviewing and examining each woman on why she had made the particular choices that she had made, and then the ramifications of their decisions. She examines the way that modern women, women who have come of age in the aftermath of the feminist movement of the 70s and 80s, balance the mantra "You can do/be anything that you want" and the traditional family model that most families ascribe to: the man/husband/father is the breadwinner/provider and the woman is the "Good Mother", "Perfect Wife" who stays home with the kids. Orenstein wants to know how do women balance this mantra and the traditional family model, or really, if this balance even exists. Can a woman have a successful career AND family AND be happy and satisfied in both? What kind of sacrifices would need to be made? And does having a family signal a death-knell to a woman's career?

I really resonated with this conflict between the mantra "You can do/be anything you want to be" that girls are told growing up and the traditional family model. In this stage of my life, I am a single career woman, who throughout my entire life, has been told that I can do anything that I want to do - and I have believed it! And why shouldn't I believe it? But what really got me was the truth that the odds are set against a woman having a career.

I've never really given this much credence, but through the facts and stories that Orenstein presents, there isn't much denying this truth. The working world is a man's world, set up for men to succeed and earn more, while careers that are traditionally held by women are valued much less (think financial analysts earning $120k each year versus teachers who earn $40k at best). Or the fact that women traditionally gravitate towards careers in non-profit organizations - but those organizations pay half what a man would earn in a for-profit organization, even though a non-profit actually works to change people's lives! It makes me angry and disappointed. And then the fact that if a woman does climb the ranks in a career field traditionally populated by men, her career gets derailed if she decides to have a child. Her earning potential instantly drops. Also disheartening is that women who do climb the ranks in this man's world have less sympathy for women who are trying to do the same and make different choices than they do with their life. This was a hard truth and bitter pill to swallow, but if I'm honest with myself, my own career mirrors this. Money is generally not all that important to me, but I do believe that my work should be valued at high dollar, and if I'm honest with myself, I don't believe that it is.

Orenstein also explores the family choices that women make - ie, whether or not to have a child, and if so, then when to have it, and then after you have it, who will take care of it and at who's career's expense? While I am not at this stage in life, it was difficult to read about and figure out what decisions would I make. And then the more startling thought was, do I want to even have to make these decisions? Do I want to fall into a traditional family model or do I want my family to look more balanced? Could I work and take care of kids at the same time? Would I want a child so much that I would have one without a husband, like one of the women did in the book? Or will I be 40 and single, a loving and doting "aunt" to my friends' and siblings' children? I can't predict those things now, but needless to say they were all questions that I am still confronting and working through.

All in all, I do highly recommend this book. It is hard to read, to look at the lives of all these women and the sacrifices that they have either made or are going to have to make, and whether it is fair in the first place that they even have to make them. The best truth in the book is the woman in the last case study who tells Orenstein to make sure that she tells her readers "It's not easy". Truly, it's not easy for a woman today to negotiate these decisions and choices, but hopefully, it's not impossible either.

As I was told once, "Who ever said life was going to be easy"?

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Thoughts for a Wednesday

Grrr...I am so mad at my computer.  I was in the middle of composing my post when inevitably some error occurred that wiped out some of my thoughts!! The nerve....so apologies if this isn't a very good post - blame it on my pc...

But life must go on I suppose, so without further ado, here are some thoughts for this week's edition of Thoughts for a Wednesday.

1 - April 13th!  That's the date that Deadliest Catch premieres!  I am so excited, though very sad because one of the main captains, Captain Phil Harris, passed away during the filming of this season.  It is one of those rare times that a reality show becomes actually real.  Maybe that is why I love this show so much - its authenticity versus the stories that other "reality" shows can create through careful editing.

2 - While I am talking about TV shows, I have to mention Lost and how I can't believe that there are only 6 episodes left.  That seems so unreal to me.  Will we ever figure out who is good and who is evil?  Will there be any concrete answers given to us, the ones loyal enough to stay with this show through all the mysteries and questions because we knew that an ending would come?  Or are we being set up for a non-ending, something along the lines of Sayid "I don't feel anything...", no more pain or joy or anger at the mysteries of the show, but just numbed to oblivion by all the ones left unanswered?

3 - And also I just want to give a shout out to "Kell on Earth", the reality TV show that just concluded on Bravo based upon Kelly Cutrone and her business, People's Revolution.  I think you either love or hate Kelly.  I happen to be in the camp that really likes her (to be honest, I have to admit that I have loved her ever since her appearance on "The Hills" - she was one of the best things about that show with her no bs attitude).  She really is a remarkable businesswoman, with an amazing combination of both vision and implementation, which has made her very successful.

4 - Speaking of women and business, I just recently finished reading this book called Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids, and Life in a Half-Changed World.  I read it on recommendation from my two best friends, and it really was a mind-bender.  I'll save my review for another post, but suffice to say that it made me think a lot about the life decisions that I face as a woman in my late twenties, approaching thirties.

5 - So in other news, I have started another blog, this one dedicated to all things style and fashion and my thoughts and outfits that I choose to post.   I've just been reading too many of these fashion blogs for my own good, because obviously they have inspired me to start my own.  So come stop by Small Time Style when you get a chance and leave a comment or two or become a follower if you'd like!  Any and all suggestions for posts are more than welcome!

6 - I am Number 4 in my office NCAA tourney pool and the ONLY one to have picked Duke to win the championship.  SO I potentially have a shot at emerging as the winner of the office pool.  It is an admittedly loooonggg shot, but it's as close as I've ever gotten in my office pool (with the exception of winning the first round of picks one year) and would mark the second time in my life that I would win in my pool!  If you hear a loud shout of "WAHOO" come next Monday, my apologies in advance.

7 - It seemed as if I blinked and Easter is already this weekend!  Last Sunday was Palm Sunday, and one of the traditions of the Catholic Church is that every Palm Sunday we read the Passion of Christ.  The congregation participates in the actual reading, which is always poignant for me, for it reminds me that I too was one of the crowd yelling "Crucify him!" to Pilate when he wanted to release Jesus.  It happened that I was just finishing the book of Mark at the same time and so read the Passion again the next morning.  This time in reading it, I was struck at how easily Pilate gives in to the crowd.  I know that Jesus's purpose for taking on human form was to bring us salvation, but it struck me that Pilate could have not given in to the demands of the Pharisees and others who wanted to kill Jesus.  Pilate could have stepped in and saved an innocent man - he KNEW that Jesus was innocent - and yet he washes his hands, saying that Jesus's blood is on the Jews.  His indifference to an innocent man's fate and willingness to give in to a crowd just makes me wonder about myself and the world that I live in.  Would I be willing to save an innocent man even if it went against everyone's wishes?

8 - Lots of thoughts this Wednesday!  One more for today - if you've been reading this blog for any length of time at all, you know that from time to time I like to give my thoughts on foreign affairs and various international relations.  The recent wave of suicide bombings in Russia have me concerned and wondering how Russia's reaction to these latest bombings is going to affect the greater world balance and what actions they are going to take to stop "the terrorists".  But this is a case of journalists choosing words - are these suicide bombers terrorists or are they Chechen freedom fighters?  Separatists longing for their own freedom and territory or people bent on inflicting destruction on others for no good reason?  Check out Kevin Sites' video on Chechnya that he filmed while on his "In the Hot Zone" documentary and then form your thoughts.

And that's it folks!  Coming soon, a book review on Flux and maybe a couple other pictures that I snapped last week.  And who knows - maybe I'll have some thoughts on another day than just Wednesday!

What do you think?

I just got back from my second career counseling session and Dr. Bushkoff said something that I think is really profound. She said that she doesn't think we are ever 100% satisfied in anything that we do nor can be fully satisfied and utilizing all of our talents and interests all the time. If we experience 70 or 80% satisfaction, and our interests and talents are being 70 to 80% used in our jobs or at home or in our relationships, then we are doing really well.

I don't know if that makes a whole lot of sense, but when she said it I thought it was very profound - that our jobs, our careers, are never going to fully 100% satisfy all of our interests or talents - and neither will our home life or our relationships (with I guess the exception of our relationship with God).

What do other people think?

Just a few thoughts for a Saturday

It constantly amazes me how fast time can fly. I can hardly believe that next week, we are at the end of January already - that is so crazy! How can so much time go by so fast? In some ways, this month has felt like eternity - a whole year in and of itself - but in other ways, it just can't be possible that *poof*, the first month of the new year is already over!

I think I can confidently say that I have never been through a month like this in my life. So much change has happened in this month and there has not been any time to process through it - or, the more accurate thing to say, is that I have not taken the time to process through the changes. And it is change in practically every area of my life - even literally down to the roots of my hair (which thankfully are gray no longer)!

This past Tuesday it became evident how much I have not internally processed everything that has changed, when at a career counseling session with a psychologist, I could not keep it together when she asked me the simple question, "So, what is going on in your life?" It was so awful crying in front of this complete stranger and I completely felt like the stereotypical psych patient on the couch who can't get a hold of their life. And though Dr. Bushkoff was completely nice and cool about and didn't care if I was crying or not, I still just couldn't believe how I couldn't seem to get one sentence out without choking on my words. It was very humbling and enlightening all at the same time, because I realized that I really haven't processed through my feelings.

Besides the crying though, the session was very worthwhile and I can't wait to go back. But it was kind of maddening also because Dr. Bushkoff told me that I am Generalist and I am happy being a Generalist and that I need to be a Generalist - my personality doesn't lend itself to being an expert in just one area - it has to have knowledge in all areas. This didn't surprise me, because I already knew that about myself, but it is frustrating at the same time because how do you have a focused career path when you can basically do anything? That sounds conceited to me, but it is the truth - I can learn to do anything, because that is probably the leading passion in my life - my love of learning. My problem is that I can get easily bored once I feel like I have learned enough about something, and so I desire to learn about everything, which has created this almost split personality. Another thing that Dr. Bushkoff said was that I was in best job that I could be in at Signature and that apparently my profile says that I don't want to make hard decisions, like a CEO or branch manager must do. I don't know if I completely agree with that though. She also suggested that a career path that I could consider, if I ever left Signature, was event planning. Apparently I am good at organizing things.

The thing that she said that completely surprised me though was that she thought I wasn't a procrastinator! I almost fell off the couch when she said that, because I have always thought that I was a terrible procrastinator. But what she said is that I need a "push" to do things, a "shove" in the direction that I am supposed to go in. Which is definitely true about myself - I do often need to be pushed to just do the things that I need to do, but I have always thought that is what all procrastinators need - maybe she and I need to relay our definitions of procrastination to each other. Maybe my procrastination all this time has just been either a lack of courage or sheer stubbornness.

All in all, it was very enlightening and I am really glad that I went and have been given the opportunity to go through this process. I am really interested to hear what she has to say next time, especially since I took an "interest" inventory test.

And as I am on the eve of this last week of the first month of the year, there is a mountain of work and other things ahead that I don't know how I'm going to tackle and get through, but here it goes nonetheless!