The Eve Before the Eve of the New Year

I didn't realize until I looked at my blog how long it has been since I last wrote a post. I guess there has been a lot going on both at work and at home that this just hasn't crossed my mind that often I guess.

But these past few days I have had the pleasure of participating in some of my best friends' wedding, Katie Carson and Tommy Webster. Kat and Tommy are some of my dearest, dearest friends. I have learned so much about life and love from the both of them and through watching their love story unfold these past two years. Truly, one of the things that I can say about myself is that I love to learn, and these two have taught me incalculable lessons on how to value and love people. Their love for the Lord, their creativity, and again their love for community has changed my life. It has been such a joy to be a part of helping them get ready for their wedding day! I cannot wait for tomorrow when they are finally man and wife!!

As I get ready on this eve of the eve of the new year, and start mentally preparing myself for 2008, there are many things to reflect on. Mostly things having to do with what I want to accomplish next year. I don't like to make goals for myself. Goals actually mean something. And goals don't leave much room for spontaneity or the bends in the journey. Or for a procrastinator like myself, goals end up becoming guidelines and thus lose their intended power.

But I think that now I have a different view. I heard this quote once from Zig Ziglar: "Are you a wandering generality or a meaningful specific?" I have lived my life as a wandering generality, just taking life as it comes and not having an ending in sight that I want to accomplish. But I would like to start in 2008 to live my life as a meaningful specific, because I think I have realized that you can live life with goals but also leave room enough for life to run its course. So as 2007 comes to a close, I am going to think hard on what I want 2008 to look like and come up with some goals - goals that I am going to take seriously. And on New Year's I'll post some of those goals on here!

That is, after I have recovered from Kat and Tommy's wedding! :)

Heavy Heart...

Today is a black day for Major League Baseball. The Mitchell Report, a 400+ page document, came out detailing the use of steroids and named the names of allegedly 80 players that George Mitchell was able to confirm used steroids.

The fact that there are MLB players that have used steroids is not a surprise. Anybody who looks at Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, or Jason Giambi three years ago, cannot have a hint of doubt.

What hurts me as a fan though is learning that some of the best pitchers in the game, Roger Clemens and Andy Petitte, were also users.

*Sigh*

Pitchers have a special place in my heart. To me, a well-pitched game is the most exciting thing in all of baseball. Forget the homerun. Homeruns are overrated. But a guy who can pitch a full nine innings is a hero - bar none. A guy who can load the bases but then battle all the way back to strike the next three hitters out is a hero. Pitching makes or breaks the game (caveat - you do need to have good hitters - but if you have great pitching, you don't need great hitters - just good hitters). There is nothing more exciting than a pitcher's duel. That is why, though Josh Beckett is now a hated Red Sox, I still love him - he is one of the most awesome pitchers in the game right now.

That is why this hits me so hard. Being a diehard Yankees fan, I have to live with the hatred of everyone for their dominance in baseball. Now I learn that players on my beloved team, and pitchers nonetheless, cheated!! I mean even Chuck Knoblauch was named!! Knoblauch! The disappointment and hurt runs deep.

I just hope that in the end, all the youth and college ballplayers that I come in touch with, will take this whole scandal as a warning and not try to cheat the game. I have seen quite a few of the college guys come through who were so big, that it just isn't natural. I hope that they realize that the path they are walking on is a perilous one before it is too late.

That hope is what makes the disappointment and hurt less painful.

That Perfect, Elusive, Shot...

This past weekend I went to the driving range and tried to hit a bucket of balls semi-successfully. I think that for the amount of experience I have (very, very little and no lessons), I can hit a golf ball pretty well. There is a lot I need to learn, but I haven't devoted the time needed to get my swing right or to seek out help from those who know more than I do. But nevertheless, there were shots that went straight and true and far and sounded so pretty, that I fall in love with the game all over again. And then the very next shot I either hook, slice, or top the ball and I wonder why in the world am I deluding myself?

I guess the beauty that is found in the world of golf is the ability it has to build character. You have to have humility; you have to be able to laugh at yourself; you have to be able to ride the emotional rollercoaster that each shot brings; you have to be able to ignore those around you, the people that may be watching you, and just focus on you and the ball - otherwise, you psych yourself out! And in the course of the journey of eighteen holes or a bucket of balls, you can hit each and every single one of those emotions. And then there are those shots that will live with you forever, and those are the shots that will always keep you swinging that club.

Reflections on Fall

I know that fall is almost over, but I came across this reflection that I wrote about a year ago when I was reading back through some of my old journals, and I really like it, so wanted to share it (please forgive the run-ons and lack of grammar...). It was written when I was housesitting out in Amissville, as I was sitting outside on the back porch of the house.

Lord,

I feel as if I am in Narnia Lord. It is so perfectly and devastatingly beautiful right now, gazing out into a sea of green, shades of green, when the world and nature enter this season of passing away; when the trees, instead of glorifying in their strength and beauty, fall and fade into the passing of the season with dignified forbearance. In this last gasp of life, nature, the earth, bursts forth in a flurry of color and warmth, as if to remind us that in death, abundant life is found. The winter, no matter how long and how cold, cannot hide the life that courses underneath it forever.

The mountains rise in the background, gracing the scene with tangible icons of forbearance. Their timeless beauty and grace stands firm, unmovable, with wisdom and knowledge, whether crowned with the greenness of trees or the blanket whiteness of snow.

And coursing through it all is the primal pulse of all living things. The symphony and cacophony of crickets, beetles, birds, and all other insects. Flowers bloom in all their beauty, not ready to succumb to the inevitably of the season around them. And the sun; the beautiful, glorious, life-giving Son; the sun that provides all warmth and light shines its life-giving rays upon all - made bearable by the wisps of wind that breeze through it all. It rustles all leaves, lifting and gently depositing those that have succumbed to death; those whose brief, glorious life adjoined to the branch, has now passed. They will no longer dance with their brothers and sisters because that part of their journey is over. Lifted from the branch, one leaf here, one leaf there floats on the currents of the wind - whether or mighty or soft, and comes to the next phase of its life.

There is a deep magic here. There is a power felt in it all - whether sheer power or love or both, it is mysterious and incomprehensible. It can only be felt and admired and awed. It can only be delighted and reveled in - it is revered. It is revered and loved because its Creator is in all these intangibles - it is the ray of beauty that parts through the clouds - it is the breeze that brushes through my hair and past my face - it is the joyous noise of an unhindered laugh - it is the grace and steadfastness of the mountains - it is the beauty of death and the pain of life - it is the incomprehensible but deeply felt mystery of all the earth that shines in its primordial state.

It is beauty unscathed, untouched by all the awful things that have corrupted life. It is God -God in all His awesome glory and unnerving power and mysterious love. It is past all understanding and reason and can only be felt on soul-baring love and level. There is no understanding this confluence of beauty, death, life, warmth, light, whispers, grace, and forbearance. There is only the heart and the heart cannot put words to the awesome wonder and beauty that God's creation gives to God. Nature worshipping its Creator and the Creator continually gracing and loving His creation. There is no shame, no guilty, no constraints.

Each piece of creation sings forth the song of its purpose and nothing can deter it from doing so - no internal or external force plays upon it, no will manipulates it from its path. It only obeys the will of God and God in turn gives it beauty because of its obedience.

A couple quick reflections on ice-skating...

I had the unintended pleasure this Saturday of going to the ice rink at the Sculpture Garden at the NGA and watching the people skate around for a little while and during the course of watching and observing these people, I had a couple of favorite people:

1. The guy who kept wiping out - this guy was absolutely hilarious and I fell in love with him because he had the heart to keep on trying to skate on, even though he had to have a death grip on the ice rink's railing! There was this one point in which there was a little kid in his way and he had keep one hand on the railing, while reaching around the kid with his other to grab onto the railing and not completely wipe out. There were times that even while holding onto the railing, he would completely wipe out!! It was hilarious and amazing and awesome and gave me a living example of why we should have a good sense of humor, humility, and lots of gumption to keep on trying when we completely wipe out, even when it is in front a ton of people!

2. The couple making out on the ice - It was romantic and one of those moments that felt like it was from a movie, so this particular PDA elicited that "awww" that lives in every girl's heart. It semi-reminded me of the movie Serendipity - one my girl movies.

3. The dad trying to skate while holding one kid in front and another in the back holding onto him! - Again, one of those moments that elicited that "awww" that lives in every woman's heart. And it also made me laugh seeing the other little one clinging onto her dad's back pockets so that she didn't fall down! It was beyond cute.

4. The pros flying around the ice - there will always be those that "fly around" us, no matter what profession or sport or thing we attempt. There is always someone that can do it better and make it look effortless in the process. While there is a certain beauty in that effortlessness and you admire the skill, I have more admiration for the guy who kept on trying even though he completely lacked any kind of skill at all.

5. The joy of the crowd - it is just fun to see that many people enjoying themselves so thoroughly and fully. I wish there were more crowds of people enjoying themselves like that, with pure fun.