Love is a Hollywood Studio Lot

I'm not sure that I will be able to properly recap this week's episode because I was in the midst of experiencing some kind of 24hr stomach bug while watching this week's episode.  Most of the episode was watched in some kind of stupor - which, in hindsight, was probably the best way to view it.  So, with all that warning, here are my ten thoughts on this week's episode...

1 - Seal singing "Kiss From a Rose" acoustically was everything that my eighth grade self hoped that it would be.  I now need to dig through my dusty CD collection and find a CD player somewhere in the museums to play it on.  Can you just imagine being Heidi Klum? If I was her, I would have Seal sing that to me all the time.

2 - Ashley S. is just cute. I can't help it - she reminds me of my cousin who lives in Mississippi - who is in the eighth grade - which is the same age I feel like Ashley S. is.  But whatev - she is a cute NYC nanny and I am sorry that she lost her daddy.

3 - An action movie group date? Say what?  Really Bachelor producers, getting Steve Ho, the stunt actor double for Donatello in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to "film" an action movie.  Because clearly the best way to find a wife is to see how she high-kicks her way through a bunch of manufactured stunts.

4 - Again with the fireworks Michelle? Please, can't you find some other kind of analogy for your first kiss with Brad?

5 - Hey Alli, when you are going to highlight your boobs on national television by wearing a half-top bra thing, why oh why, do you follow it up with some kind of awful blue slip non-dress thing with a black pattern thingie on it? You my dear win worst-dressed of the week for me.

6 - What kind of crazy pills do you think Michelle is on?  Do you think she is always this calculating in real life or is this some kind of gamble for 15 seconds of fame on the Bachelor for being the crazy-of-all-crazies?  I mean, not only does she proclaim her and Brad in a fight because he's kissing other girls (umm, hello, are we not on the show The Bachelor?), she also creepily intrudes on other people's one-on-one times and proclaims feeling confident in front of everyone else. She is reality TV gold.

7- Chantal's dad passed away too?? Really? How many other girls are going to have sad sob stories that will be revealed? Oh well, tough girl has a heart of gold. I think she and Brad are going to go far.

8 - Oh look, there goes Ashley the dentist off the deep end because Brad is getting close to other girls.  Like we didn't see that one coming...

9 - I usually love the Bachelor producers for the endless hours of entertainment that they give me. However, putting poor Melanie - whoops, I mean, Emily - on a tiny private plane to go on her date with Brad was a really poor-in-taste move.  Having had her fiancee pass away via plane crash wasn't enough for you guys to pause for a second and advise Brad to choose another fantasy date for their one-on-one?  That was just a low blow.

10 - The fangs weren't real!!! They were clip-ons??

I Can't Promise That I Won't Suck Your Energy

To all two of you that read this blog, I apologize for the delay in posting my semi-put together thoughts on this week's episode.  My DVR failed me on Monday night and tragedy of tragedies, the episode failed to record, so I was forced to watch it online, which I finally got around to doing last night.  So, Kat - here are my top ten moments of this week's awesomeness.

1 - Thanks to Melissa I have a brand new favorite term - "Energy Suck".  I intend to try to use this term in my everyday life as eloquently as Melissa was able to cobble in between the 5000 words-per-minute she was spewing during her one-on-one times with Brad.  Part of me actually felt a little bit bad for her - but then that part started laughing and shaking its head with the other part of me.  I mean, seriously, I can't even capture the multiple personalities and rollercoaster of emotions that she covered in one episode.  And don't you think that if you were on the Bachelor, you would stay away from all onions and garlic like the plague?  Or at least refrain from revealing that detail to the Bachelor and a national TV viewing audience? Moving on...

2 - I think I was scared more for Ashley the dentist (is she really a dentist or is she a dental hygientist?? I need to do some investigating) when the light switched on and revealed a carnival date than when they were driving in the dark down a dirt road.  I don't know about you all, but when the carnival comes to town I think "death trap".  My sister almost flew out of a Scrammbler ride one time at a church carnival!

3 - My college roommates are saints.  Because when I turned 20, I freaked out.  I wasn't turning 19, and I wasn't turning 21, I was turning 2-0. Two decades old!! Moving officially out of my teens was a huge deal for me for some reason. And my lovely friends had to listen to me freak out for at least a month.  Girls, I can't promise you that I won't freak out about turning 30 next year, but I will promise that I won't do it on national television.  Thank you for loving me, birthday freak-outs and all!

4 - Jackie got to go to the Hollywood Bowl, wear a REALLY pretty dress, GORGEOUS jewels, receive a rose, and have dinner with a pretty hot guy.  The only thing that can ruin a dream date like that? Train performing live for you.  Sorry all you Train fans - after the second time I heard "Hey Soul Sister" an undying hatred of all Train music sprung up in my heart.  And the only thing worse is watching two very white people dance very awkwardly to non-danceable music.

5 - Chris Harrison + Bright Blue Shirt = me swooning on the couch.

6 - I guess since Ali actually picked a guy at the end of her season, she and Roberto qualify as being able to read people and determine who is here for the "right reasons".  Clearly, they will be able to determine this from two-on-one conversations that last about 30 seconds.  And clearly, Ali still has not gotten over her penchant for all things sparkly, off-shouldered, badly proportioned garments.  Her hair looked slightly better. I'll give her that.

7 - Besides Michelle's 5000 reminders that it was her birthday, she had many, many, many other moments.  Her weird rose-in-the-mouth dance after Brad gave her the birthday rose was pretty tasteless.  And then her stealing Brad away in mid-sentence to ask really important questions like "Starbucks or Coffee Bean?" and "What's in your fridge" was jaw-dropping psycho-manipulative.  She is a master at playing the game, you can tell.

8 - Getting to see Brad's abs.  Thanks ABC.

9 - Getting to see the terrible American Red Cross promotional ad that they filmed - I can't believe that they actually aired that during national TV.  Really American Red Cross? Really??

10 - Seeing in the promos for next week that my dream of Seal singing "Kiss on a Rose" acoustically to me will come true so soon!! Can't wait!

There were many other moments - too many to properly capture in writing. Let me know yours!  And while you're at it, be sure to check out these other amazing, more talented recappers:

Chris Harrison
Ihategreenbeans.com
Kristen Baldwin for Ew.com

Till next week (or next post :))

A New Year, A New(ish) Bachelor

While there are so many other great Bachelor blogger recaps out there, and while all of my fabulous friends are so hilarious with their commentaries and observations, I just have a few thoughts on this new season...

Highlight #1 - First five minutes of this season equaled every girl and woman's dream - Brad Womack - who is pretty easy on the eyes - not only shirtless, but also admitting his commitment issues, the neglect of his father, his own desire to be a dad, his admission of being in therapy for three years, and finally being ready to fall in love - and all in an easy Southern drawl.  I mean, come on - seriously??  The Bachelor just doesn't get any better than this!

Highlight #2 - DeAnna Pappas clearly hasn't gotten over being dumped on national TV.  She looked like she was ready to strangle Brad - despite her having "moved on" and being engaged to one of the Stagliano twins AND a previous 20/20 special in which she and Brad already had a "reunion".  Oh the joys of staged reality TV, how I love thee and your made-up drama!

Highlight #3 - Ashley the dentist making a fool of herself by dancing around in her underwear and oversized shirt for her 10-second spot in the "Get to know random facts about these poor bachelorettes" segment.

Highlight #4 - Madison the model who ends up having - FANGS!!! I mean seriously!? (And a kudos to Kristen Baldwin for making the Hot Topic reference in her recap - that was genius!)

Highlight #5 - It's a tie between the pillow that went over my face when the girl gets out of the limo and said "catch me!" and then proceeded to run and jump into Brad's arms, or the girl who rolled down the limo window, held out her hand, and insisted that Brad come get her out of the limo.

Highlight #6 - The fashion "marketer" 's hot pink wedges with her strapless black dress.  I don't know if it was highlight or an identity crisis, because in theory, I, out of all the people on this planet, should be the most supportive of a girl wearing bright pink wedges. But, ohmygosh, I don't think I've ever seen more hideous shoes on primetime television, except for maybe some shoes on "What Not to Wear".  I just don't see how someone in fashion could choose those shoes - with that dress!  Am I alone in this??

Highlight #7 - Scarlett O'Hara - oh, whoops, I mean Emily from Charlotte, NC - sad story was tragic.  But the highlight of it for me was figuring out that the "Ricky" that she was "engaged" or in a full-time relationship with and had his kid after he died in a plane crash, was none other than Ricky Hendricks, the up and coming NASCAR driver in 2004, son of Rick Hendricks, who operates one of the bigger racing teams in NASCAR.  Now, how did I figure that out?  I wish I could relate the way that random facts interact and coagulate in my brain - I really do, because then I would have a greater understanding of myself.  But if you google it, you will see that I am right. 

Highlight #8 - Not really a highlight, but more of an annoyance.  I cannot STAND the rockette, Keltie!!  There is just something about her that rubs me the wrong way.  Maybe it was the way that she was trying to drum up drama when that poor girl in the blue prom dress kept getting pushed away from her one-on-one time with Brad.  But either way, there's just something about her that I found really annoying.  I hope she is gone soon (with my luck, that won't be the case).

Highlight #9 - The highlights from the upcoming season revealing to me the lifelong dream I never knew that I had - Seal, singing live and acoustically, to me, "A Kiss On a Rose", through my television screen.  I can only hope that Heidi Klum will be somewhere in the wings to tell the hapless bachelorette on that date (because you know it will be one of those do or die bachelorette dates where they get sent home) to say "Auf Wiedersehen".

Highlight #10 - Chris Harrison's presence once again gracing my television screen.  Four months is just too long Chris - it's just too long!!

How about you - what were some of your favorite highlights from the 21st season of The Bachelor/ette franchise??!! PLEASE let me know :)

Peace of Gethsemane

"Be to me a rock of refuge,to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress." Psalm 71:3

"Sooner or later in life, the ones you love you lose...but You've got the love to carry me through" ~ Florence and the Machine

You will have to excuse me for this blog post.  I don't know if this is the right medium to open myself up to, but writing has always been a refuge for me, a place to sort my thoughts.  And my thoughts need sorting.

My Grandma is dying.  I don't know when she is going to pass away from this physical life to the eternal one, but it will be sooner rather than later.  And it breaks me.  It brings tears, many, many, many tears.  It brings sadness.  And it weighs my heart down in a way that I have seldom felt before.

For, selfishly, it also means the death of some of my hopes, my dreams - the dream of having her at my wedding someday being the foremost of them - my prayer for the last three years when I learned that she was diagnosed with lymphoma.

And it causes so much regret, probably the most truly painful thing I have ever experienced - regret that I didn't spend more time with her.  That I didn't get in my car and go visit when I easily could have.  That I didn't call her on the phone when I had a spare five or ten minutes.  That I took this relationship, which has always been a part of my life and supported and encouraged me in all that I have done, for granted.  That I took for granted the gift and curse of time that marches on mercilessly each and every day.  That I let excuses like "I'm so busy" get in the way.  And that the whole time I was busy with ultimately meaningless things.

A piece of my heart is never going to be the same, sooner rather than later.  It is going to bear the pain of loss - and in the meantime it has to deal with navigating through the day to day things of life.  The day to day things which all seem so meaningless in the face of this.

I have always been one to soldier on - to walk through the days, blazing forth on whatever trail it is that I might be walking along.  But this has stopped me in my tracks.  It has bowed my head and covered my heart.

But thankfully in the midst of this, I not only have the Man of Sorrows walking beside me, but I have dear friends who are carrying me to His feet, lowering my paralyzed heart down through the roof, when I can do nothing.  And their prayers, their reminders of His Truth are bringing my heavy heart before Him and His peace.

And I have learned that His peace is real.  Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted".  And He is my comfort, my refuge in this time of turmoil.  Jesus's arms have wrapped themselves around me and are sorting me through this pain that varies from a dull ache to a sharp stab. 

And this pain and peace also remind me of all the experiences and losses that so many of my friends and family have gone through.  It is a mystery of God how this hurt can both be so individual and so universal.  For the impending loss of my Grandma isn't limited to just me - it is my dad and my aunt and uncles' mom - it is my brother and sister and cousins' Grandma - it is my second cousin's Great-Grandma - it is my Great Aunt's sister - it is her friends and neighbors.  So it is with each loss suffered - it is rarely felt individually.

My heart has more thoughts and feelings but my words are done.  Those will come out in tears - tears which are shed for both the loss and huge void that will be left in my family, but also for all those who are suffering and have gone through this pain before.

And so I end with this poem, which both brings me peace and comfort.

There is a peace that springs soon after sorrow, 
Of hope surrendered, not of hope fulfilled;
A peace that does not look upon tomorrow,
But calmly on the storm that it has stilled.

A peace that lives not in joy's excesses,
Nor in the happy life of love secure;
But in the unerring strength the heart possesses,
Of conflicts won while learning to endure.

A peace there is, in sacrifice secluded,
A life subdued, from will and passion free;
It's not the peace that over Eden brooded,
But that which triumphed in Gethsemane.

Amen.

A List of Links

This post is more a note for myself than for anyone else - I wanted a place where I could capture all these links so that I can think more about what these people are saying and instead of making a bazillion bookmarks, I am making a blog post.  Feel free to read any of these articles of course, but just be warned, they will be thought-provoking.

Wikileaks and the Danger everyone is ignoring

Wikileaks reveals Shell's grip hold on Nigeria

Dambisa Moyo's website, author of "Dead Aid: Why Aid is Not Working and How There is a Better Way for Africa


The Munk Debates: Featuring Dambisa Moyo and Hernando de Soto

Thoughtful post on being an adult and closet remixing

Accentuate the Negative: What Don't You Want Around?

The Stop-Doing List

Invictus: the poem

Another article on being an adult, consistency, and commitment

Fallout from Wikileaks in the army

Visualizing slavery: How a Census Map was used as propaganda during the Civil War

Consider these my writing/thinking prompts, if you will :).  Now, if I can only get these thoughts out of my head and written up, then we'll going somewhere...